


Carbon Monoxide

by WhumpTown



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Ainsley Whitley is a good sister, Brightwell, Brightwell Parents, Dad! Malcolm, F/M, Malcolm Bright Needs a Hug, Malcolm Bright Whump, Malcolm is a good dad, Mom! Dani, Protective Dani Powell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23696236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhumpTown/pseuds/WhumpTown
Summary: Malcolm, alone in his apartment, is subjected to carbon monoxide from there the story gets interestingPregnancyRelationshipFound Family
Relationships: Dani Powell & Ainsley Whitly, Malcolm Bright & Ainsley Whitly, Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell
Comments: 30
Kudos: 181





	1. Silent Killer

**Author's Note:**

> I love Brightwell and Ainsley and Malcolm being good siblings so I figured... why not both?

He can’t sleep. 

Which is normal but he’s alone. For the first time in over a year, Malcolm is laying in his bed alone. He rolls on to his side, Dani’s shampoo invading his brain as he takes a deep breath. He can’t force himself to hallucinate but he’d almost prefer the haunted _fake_ feeling of her being around than the lonely pains of his heart. 

He understands why she left. She needs to sleep and he’s having a hard time. After all, he was the one to give her the idea. They’ve kept her apartment because while he’s never asked her to move in, most of her stuff has found its way into his apartment. There’s no point in asking when she takes his hand as they walk to the car, asking if he’s ready to go _home_. 

He’d never thought of his apartment as home before.

Exhaustion weighs his chest in. He finds himself blinking through it, struggling to keep himself awake. 

Something is wrong. He’s vaguely aware of it. He nearly expects the girl in the box to grab his shoulder but she does not appear. His vision blurs and his stomach twists miserably. Dani’s not even here to hold his hand. To remind him to breathe deep or put a rag to his face. He swallows against the sour bile trying to edge up his throat. His eyes drop a fraction more. He can’t move.

His heart beats quickly in his chest. He means to reach for his phone on the nightstand. 

_Something’s wrong_.

His hand knocks the phone down and his body now thrown too far to one side, he slips over the edge. He doesn’t even let out a startled cry as his body falls limply to the floor. Through half-lidded his eyes he looks at the phone just an inch from his fingers. 

The sound of knocking rouses him just enough to force his eyes back open but he can’t stay awake. A voice calls his name, the knocking growing more urgent. 

It’s okay, he doesn’t lock the door.

He lets himself be pulled under the warmth of unconsciousness. It’ll be okay. Dani will save him.  
\---  
Ainsley finds him on a stretcher. 

She’d called his cellphone and a man she didn’t know answered. His deep voice rumbling, “oh shit-”

It startled her and she could hear as the man passed the phone to someone else, grunting that he hadn’t meant to answer the call. He just picked the phone up. The next man’s voice sounds similar to the voice. “I’m sorry but-”

“Wait!” Something in her gut tells her something isn’t right. “This is my brother’s phone. I-I… Why-Why are you answering?” Tears prick her eyes as her mind fills in a hundred awful things that could have happened. What if he went walking and was mugged? Now he’s sitting the in the morgue and she’s just called the coroner-

The man sighs not sure what he’s supposed to do. He shakes his head, he’d want someone to tell his loved ones if something happened to him. “I’m the chief of the fire department. There was a gas leak, ma’am.”

Ainsley shakes her head. A gas leak? Mom had bought that building years ago and it was all up to date when Malcolm moved in. “H-How? My brother, is he okay?”

The chief looks over at the EMT leader pointing the scrawny kid, the brother he assumes, to a tent. There’s a yellow ribbon tied around the stretcher he’s on. Not a green, marking stable patients who would walk away from tonight’s adventure within an hour, but all things considered yellow isn’t that bad. “He’s-… stable, ma’am.” 

Ainsley’s breath leaves in a sigh, relieved. “Thank you, sir.” She’s coming to him. It takes ten minutes because she only lives across the park from him. Being a journalist, she knows the weak spots in the tape they have thrown up to stop civilians from wandering closer.

The sight is haunting. The red lights of the vehicles light up the buildings around them.

She finds Malcolm right away. His scream calling everyone near to notice him. 

“Dani!” He fights against the hands pushing him down. His eyes wide and fear lacing his screams as he cries for the woman he’s sure he fell asleep next to. He turns to the man strapping his wrist down. “No, please.” Tears fall from his eyes. “Please, Dani, she’s still up there. She’s still-” his breathe catches as a needle pierces his flesh. He sobs but he doesn’t stop fighting.

Ainsley slips her hand into his, grounding his attention. “Mal,” she calls softly. Ainsley can’t ever remember her brother working himself into a fit like the one she sees before her now. His back is arched off the stretcher, arms and legs kicking and hitting. He can’t free himself from the taunt velcro straps across his chest, wrists, and ankles. He’ll only hurt himself more if he does manage to escape.

“Shh,” Ainley brushes a hand through his sweat-soaked bangs. Her throat is tight with emotion. It hurts to see him like this. Lost. Malcolm Bright is not in the blue eyes looking back at her. He’s gone. It makes her own eyes prick with tears. “Bubby,” his old nickname leaves her mouth. She strokes his cheek, the slight beard he is growing resisting the direction the moves her thumb. “Look at me.”

There’s the briefest glaze of realization in his eyes. They dart between hers, the hand she has around his lightly squeezed in his grip. He gags and Ainsley does a double-take. “Ains-” his eyes roll back in his head. His mouth still hanging open he starts seizing violently. 

The sounds that leave his mouth make Ainsley’s heart beat twice as hard. Pained moans, choked at the breath is stolen from his lungs. She stumbles back. Her mind pulling blanks. “H-Help! Help!”  
\----  
She _needs_ to sleep. 

She hasn’t slept in her apartment in so long she doesn’t feel safe. There’s something just off about the space that she once called her own. It’s absent of most of her possession and all of her wardrobe. The space is hardly hers anymore. There are no identifiable, lived in, or well-loved articles left in the apartment… they’re all at Malcolm’s. 

Which is the problem with her sleeping right now. The bed is absent of Malcolm. 

She rolls over and looks at her alarm clock. It’s three o’clock in the morning and she hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. It’s too cold without Malcolm’s furnace-like body radiating heat in intense waves beside her. Her once perfect comforter isn’t _right_. Her pillow too stiff. She’d give anything for him to just be near her. To throw an arm over her hips. To hog the bed like he always does and snore when he, inevitably, rolls onto his back. 

She caves. 

Pulling the comforter around her shoulders. She’s gonna call him. It’s too late to be driving but maybe if he’s up he can talk her to sleep. She hesitates, her fingers already found his caller ID on her phone. His slightly blurred smiling face is looking back at her. What if he’s already fallen asleep and she wakes him up? 

“Oh my God, Dani!”

The voice on the other line is unmistakably not Malcolm. Through her sleepy haze of confusion, it takes her a moment to identify Ainsley’s voice. Once she does, she grows moderately worried. Ainsley had acquired the same inability to sleep as Malcolm, an unfortunate gift from their mother. So, the younger Whitley might just be visiting. It would not be the first late-night visit.

“Ainsley,” but… She knows that’s not true. Somehow. Perhaps, after living with Malcolm for so long she’s simply acquired a skill for sensing when he’s thrown himself into dangerous situations. Because the feeling she has in the pit of her stomach is… sour. 

Dani can hear Ainsley sniffle, pulling herself together. A well-taught reporter can do that, mask their emotions from their faces and voices. She’s seen Ainsley do it enough that the sound makes Dani stiffen in fear. 

“Oh, Dani,” Ainsley’s training fails her and her voice trembles. “He’s-He’s in the hospital. There was a gas leak at the apartment.” Dani can hear her crying over the phone but the most startling thing is, Dani is calm. 

She shushes Ainsley softly, standing to her feet despite the chilled floor. “It’s okay, Ains.” She’s wearing a pair of shorts and one of Malcolm’s old shirts and the winter air will nip at her exposed flesh painfully but she needs to leave me now. “I’m on my way, right now. Where are you?” She has to double back to her bedroom to slip on a pair of mitch-matched socks before she slips on her tennis shoes. 

Ainsley’s sniffles once more, “Uhm… New York-Presbyterian.”

Dani nods, “okay. I’m on my way. Just-” Her coat is on, she’s got all she needs. Her keys in hand… “Ainsley?” A tear, she hadn’t realized formed, falls down her cheek, her own voice suddenly shaking with emotion. “Is he- Is he-” She can’t force the word out. Can’t find it in her to put that possibility into words.

“No.” Ainsley’s voice is stone, certain. “No. They haven’t let me see him yet but…” She sighs, “he’s alive.”

Dani lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I’m coming.”  
\---  
He looks…

“That’s not-” Dani places a hand over her mouth. Her knees suddenly too weak to hold her up she finds herself sliding down the wall. Tears fall down her cheeks. Shutting her eyes tight, she covers them with her hands. “That’s not him. That’s not him, Ains. That’s not _Malcolm_!”

Ainsley crouches down beside Dani. For the first time in a long time, Ainsley loves the woman Malcolm is involved in. They’re friends and as much as it hurts Ainsley to see Malcolm like this she can’t imagine what it’s like for Dani.

“Dani,” she pulls her friend into a hug. “It’s okay.” Dani’s tears soak into Aisnely’s shirt. Heartbreaking at the sight of the man on the bed only a few feet away. “He’s gonna be okay.” Dani shakes her head but her hands grip tighter into Ainsley’s shirt. “Dani,” she forces the detective to look at her. “He’s alive. He’s right there.”

Dani’s eyes move from Ainsely to Malcolm. His skin is a shade of yellow, too pale. His lips are wrapped around a tube in his mouth, his jaw slightly open. His eyes are closed but Dani would know him blind. 

Shakily she rises to her feet, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her coat. She takes his hand in her own, thumb turning his hand over, wrist up. She looks for the scar on his forearm from when he cut his arm fixing her window. A failed attempt at impressing her. It’s faded but it’s there. 

“You know,” Dani rubs her thumb over his knuckles. “His hands are steady when he sleeps.” Drawing Ainsley’s attention to her brother’s hands the blonde frowns when she sees Dani’s right. Dani smiles at her sadly, “it’s a psychosomatic tremor.”

Ainsley looks back down at Malcolm. “Did you-” 

“I’ve never told him.” Dani shakes her head. She’ll never tell him about the tremor. “He needs it to be something he can’t control,” Dani says. She looks over at Ainsley to solidify her words. “You can’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know.”

Ainsley nods. 

Dani looks back to Malcolm, exhausted and all she wants is for him to hold her. 

“We should get some sleep,” Ainsley proposes, pulling up a chair to the edge. 

Dani looks at Ainsley, considering what’s appropriate for right now. Malcolm’s tactile. Needs to be touched. She tucks her hair behind her ear before pulling herself onto the edge of the bed. The heat radiating off his body is comforting and she sighs in relief. He’s beneath her fingers. Alive. Breathing.

She settles her head on his chest, fingers finding where the gown he’s in ends around his neck. His flesh against hers. This is what they both need. She closes her eyes and lets herself relax against him. She should have stayed home. If she’d been home then maybe-

A blanket is laid over her shoulders and she blinks her eyes open. Ainsley pulls the blanket higher around them both, tucking them in. “Go back to sleep,” she whispers. She settles back into her chair, a blanket pulled up to her own shoulders. “You just looked cold.”

Dani smiles and rests her cheek back against Malcolm’s chest. 

In the morning, everything will be okay. They have to be.


	2. A Promise & A Machine Gasp

The first time he told her that he loved her, she had her hands down his pants.

Their chests were pushed against one another, his hand creeping up under her blouse. She pushed her hips against his, forcing his back against the wall. Kissing her way up her jaw, she pauses for a moment. Eyes opening so that she can look into his. He’s breathless, chest heaving. His breath coming out from between already swollen, pink lips.

“Dani,” he stutters around her name, gasping. “I have to- I have to get something off my chest.”

She bites his ear, “I hope it’s your shirt.” She tugs the shirt out of his pants, unbuttoning his pants until she can slide her hand along his underwear line. Her hand finds his flesh and his breathing stops for a moment.

“I love you.” It comes out in a rush. His hand cupping her cheek. Their bodies flush to one another. Hip to hip. Lips hovering. 

She pulls her hands off his hips. Running them up to his chest until she's got his face in her palms. His hair hangs in his face but she knows the look in his eyes. The resistance to his statement, ready to take it back.

She presses her lips to his, gentle. It's tender in a way the others had been strictly sexual, yearning in a different way. "I love you, too." 

His breath dances from his lungs, short choppy little chuckles. He leans his head back in and captures her lips. He's speechless when he pulls away. He's got nothing left to say. He loves her. He's bewitched, having fallen so fully in love that he's no longer certain he can be objective. 

Just madly, deeply in love.

Ainsley is not thinking about her greatest moments with Malcolm. Maybe then her mind would be transfixed with a seventeen-year-old Malcolm teaching her to ride her bike and a not promise made in a room too similar to this. 

She can't remember if he was paler and sicker then or if her mind had played tricks on her. Taking an awful memory tinged with regret and death and forcing it to be worse, willing its torment on. 

She was eight. Standing just tall enough to see over the edge of hospital beds, a measurement she shouldn't have had to make. She knows because Malcolm was on the bed. She could see his hands strapped down to the bed, preventing him from escaping. She could see their weak tremor as tears slid down his face and his eyes found her beside him.

The way his eyes looked at her… he wasn't really there. He was cold to the touch which startled her more than the equipment attached to his small body. Malcolm was never cold. 

Between the adults, Jackie was the only calm head. The only one to not shed tears where Malcolm or she could see. Holding herself together for the benefit of them and that's something that Ainsley can recall to this day. 

Jackie had lifted her into his bed. Instructing her to be " _easy, baby, bubby doesn't feel well"_. She was confused. She knew what she'd heard earlier from her mother and Gil's mouth. Heard about the pills, medicine he had stopped taking, and that was happening here was _his_ doing. That didn't make any sense to her. Malcolm was sad. Sometimes, Malcolm wasn't hungry but how could he have done this to himself? He wouldn't.

Would he?

"Malcolm?"

It had taken him a moment, his eyes moving slowly to hers. She'd been careful climbing so close to him, smiling at Jackie as she laid herself beside him, but a part of her also knew that she couldn't hurt him. Not any more than he'd already hurt himself. 

"Mhmm?" 

Malcolm who held her hand when she cried. 

Malcolm who carried her through the field at the horse farm for over a mile when she fell off her horse and broke her arm. 

Malcolm learned to braid hair just for her.

Malcolm who makes the best grilled cheese and always burns the edges of pancakes.

He was trying to leave her. 

How many nights had they laid awake talking about their house? It's too big for three people, they decided. Finding it haunted with their father's presence just like their lives. Was he trying to make it even bigger for just two? Leave his bedroom empty? His presence there, like a word on the tip of their tongue, but his laugh absent in the halls. His life gone.

His puzzles would remain on his floor. Unfinished model airplanes and two pet snakes unable to be loved the way Malcolm loved them. A mother with no son and a sister with no siblings. How could he think that would be okay? 

"Promise you won't leave."

Jackie had put a hand on Ainsley's, a silent warning that she might push too hard. 

Malcolm just looked at her.

"You can't leave me alone, Malcolm." She was eight-years-old and begging her brother to spare himself his own life. "You promised me, remember." She begs him to see reason. "You said, it's just me and you." 

Her brown eyes fill with tears. Genetics had spared Malcolm his father's eyes but wasn't so kind as to spare both children. Ainsley would spend the better part of her teen years wishing for her brother's eyes. 

"It is," he'd whispered. Confirming words spoken by a boy that no longer felt like him. 

She couldn't help the feeling he didn’t understand. "Then don't leave me," she pleads because it hasn't occurred to her that this isn't her fault. That she hasn't pushed him away and forced him to do this.

She should have been nicer. A better sister.

He frowned at her for the longest moment. It scared her, his silence. It had never done that before. Malcolm is fairly quiet but at that moment she needed him to speak.

"Ainsley, " he hugged her closer to his body. Here she could feel he wasn't cold. His chest was warm. "I won't leave you. I won't -" he didn't want to divulge any more information than what was needed. He didn't know what she knew. "I'll get better, Ains."

\----------

She takes Dani to lunch. The task proves to be just as difficult as getting Malcolm to eat. To think Ainsley once accused Dani of not actually having anything in common with Malcolm. In hindsight, Ainsley definitely prefers their _other_ commonalities… Gil probably does too.

“Dani-” she gives up. Whatever it takes to get the other woman to eat at this point is worth it. Even if that means hoarding extra jello for Malcolm. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate the jello.” Why they need three lime, three lemon, and three orange jello cartons are beyond her. Malcolm wouldn’t be able to eat all of this on a good day. They both know his stomach is always funny after being sedated, he probably won’t eat it. Won’t be able to.

Dani holds the jello close to her, following Ainsley along the halls back to the room. It’s like she’s hardly there, just ghosting along corridors. For her sake, Ainsley hopes Malcolm can pull himself together. Dani needs him.

When they get back to the room, her mother and Gil are waiting. 

"Ainsley, " her mother crushes her in a hug. "Darling, you should have warned me!"

Ainsley pulled away from the hug, not sure what her mother's talking about. She glances at Malcolm, making sure nothing has happened in the twenty minutes they were gone. "What are you talking about?" She smiles, "he's always had a face only a mother could love."

For a moment, she fears her joke has fallen flat but soft laughter comes from Dani. Ainsley turns with a smile to Dani, surprised to find the woman laughing where she's being hugged close to Gil's chest. 

It makes Gil laugh too but at least he's got the decency to look apologetic about it to Jessica. "How is our boy?" Gil changes the subject.

Kiss ass, Ainsley thinks. She doesn’t refuse the information to them. “They’re keeping him lightly sedated but they expect him to wake up and reject the ventilator.” She recalls the information that the doctor had given her last night. Hoping that nothing has changed in the time since then but if it has, she hopes for the best. “They say that won’t be until, probably, tonight but…”

Malcolm is Malcolm and he’s nothing but a showman. 

Gil hums at implied thought, agreeing. “Have you eaten?” The question is directed to Dani, not that he’s not interested in Ainsely, but he knows about Dani’s pitfalls as well. He’s hoping that Ainsley has pulled a one over on Dani, the same way she does Malcolm, and has convinced her to eat. 

Dani nods, pulling away so that she can show Gil the armful of jello that she’s collected. “They had lime…” she explains 

Jessica and Gil share a knowing glance. Surprisingly, it’s Jessica that steps forward and puts a hand on her shoulder. Jessica is fond of Dani. She recognizes the younger woman’s influence on her child and, more than that, she loves Dani. “He’ll be thrilled.”

Dani nods, looking back down at the jello in her hands. 

Jessica gently takes a few of them, placing them on the table by his bed. “How are you doing, darling?” She keeps taking the jello, carefully monitoring the way that Dani watches Jessica place the jello on the table. As if she’s afraid to part with the food. 

Dani doesn’t say anything, as if she didn’t hear.

Gil places a hand on her shoulder, “kiddo.” He startles her but she turns to him, forcing a smile. “Jessica asked how you’re holding up.”

Dani swallows thickly. Malcolm had once told her that what she explained as feeling ‘nothing’ was not absent emotions. _‘Just because you can’t identify the feeling doesn’t mean there is no feeling’_. She wishes she could explain that to them now. She settles on a shrug, “I-I don’t know.”

Ainsley clears her throat, drawing the attention away from Dani. Ainsley can see her shrinking under Gil and Jessica’s shared attention. “We ate downstairs,” she says knowing that eating and sleeping are what they’re primarily concerned with. “We slept here last night, though.”

Dani nods, confirmation. “It wasn’t that bad though,” she admits. 

Gil rubs her shoulder. He seems a little lost in thought as well. 

Once again, Ainsley steps up to the plate. “Anyway,” she attempts to change the subject. “I’ve got UNO in my purse, who wants to play?” She does, genuinely, have a deck of UNO in her purse. Sometimes when reporting there’s some downtime where she can’t leave a scene but her job is done. 

Gil takes initiative. “Deal me in,” he caves, patting at Dani’s hand in hopes she comes along. She does, in the same absent way she followed Ainsley earlier. 

“Mom?” 

Jessica’s attention is on Malcolm. She’s holding his hand, eyes filled with tears at the sight. He’s immobile and lying so limply that he doesn’t look alive. 

“Mom,” Ainsley takes her hand and Jessica pulls her attention to her daughter. “He’s gonna be okay.”

Jessica nods.

“Play some UNO.” Ainsley should have better prepared her mother. “Come on.”

They deal out the cards, making quick work of reminding Gil and Jessica the rules. It feels good to laugh amongst themselves. Gil having mixed up UNO and goldfish loses. Tears stream down Ainsley’s face she laughs so hard but…

More than anything she wishes for Malcolm to be awake to see it. To hear him gently explain UNO in that soft way he corrects things. She knows he’d let Dani win and blush furiously when Ainsley points out.

Instead, the ventilator hisses and that’s all the input to the conversation Malcolm has.


	3. An Unplanned Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be ONE CHAPTER AND NOW I KEEP DRAWING IT OUT AND I DON'T KNOW

He would know her blinded by the sound of her bare feet walking across the floor. The arches of her feet to the tip of the nose. The way her feet ache after spending all day on them and how her nose is so perfectly straight. The heat of her cheeks when he tenderly kisses it, knowing he’ll gauge that reaction.

He would know her voice deaf. How she whispers his name hot and heavy in his ear with need and the way her admission of love blossoms in his chest like surging fires with the most tender embers taking home in his body. 

He would know her in death. Her mark on his life the tightest grip around his heart, belonging so overwhelmingly to her. No holy, loving God would take that from him because, surely, it would be the equivalent taking his soul. It would be more painful than taking the breath from his lungs and the beat of the heart in his chest.

“Malcolm.”

It’s his mother’s hand in his hair. He can smell the soft vanilla lavender lotion she uses. It’s comforting. Until the back of his throat constricts around something hard. His eyes fly open, sense of space and time thrown off as his chest heaves away from the bed and away from the _thing_.

“Malcolm,” Jessica holds his hands to his chest, her heart hurting at the sight of the tears squeezing out of the corners of his eyes. She can’t let him pull the tube out of his throat and she knows she’s protecting him but he’s looking at her like she’s betrayed him. Like she’s hurting him. “It’s okay, sweetie.” She brushes a tear away from his eye, “it’s okay.”

The doctors swarm in but she stands her ground, holding his hand as the doctors tell him to exhale as much as he can.

He coughs and coughs and Jessica begins to fear that she’ll watch him throw his own lungs up if someone doesn’t interfere. A nurse steps in, a needle filled with a clear liquid. It looks more like water than anything that could possibly be helpful.

Malcolm fights her weakly, struggling to fight the nasal canal being placed around his ears and the nurse pushing the dose into his veins. “No,” he slurs and Jessica has to press herself over the bars raised up on the side of the bed to hold him to her chest. He pushes at her weakly, crying as the drugs pull him back under into his artificial sleep. “Mama, no.” He cries into her shoulder, throat raw and producing the weakest sobs she’s ever heard.

Her throat hurts with the pain coming from her heart. Her son lost in tears, terrified as he clings to her. She can’t recall the last time she’s held him like this. Her ears know his soft call of her name. 

“Mama, no.”

But she doesn’t allow him to pull the canal away from his nose or the IV from his hand. For this, she breaks his heart but his body remains whole. He hadn’t called her mama since Martin was arrested. When Malcolm innocense was thrown away with his father.

“Shh, my baby.” She eases him back on to the pillows, stroking his cheek and his eyes threaten to fall shut without his consent.

He lays on his side, knees pulled to his chest. She mistakes him for being asleep and resumes gently stroking the back of his hand as she had been before he woke. His voice comes out as a weak croak, his eyes unable to peel back open. “ ‘s Dani?” 

Jessica reaches up and strokes his hair back from his face. “She went home, sweetheart.” She runs her thumb against his cheekbone, “she’ll be back soon, I promise.”

His voice is soft, sleep pulling him down. “I’m… ‘onna wait for ‘er.” 

Jessica doubts it but she smiles, “okay. I’ll tell her.”

Malcolm’s asleep before she can reach for her phone.

\-----

JT is glaring at a word search. Malcolm watches him, throat raw in a way that leaves him afraid to speak and further aggravate it. He’s perfectly content just watching JT chew his lip and mumble to himself as he fails to find the word he’s looking for. The only problem is, it’s freezing.

His teeth chatter against his will and the sound makes JT look up from his crossword and shock spreads over his face. Surprised to find Malcolm looking back at him. “Hey man.” He stands, closing his book around the pen. “You good?”

Malcolm shakes his head, swallowing thickly around the dryness in his mouth. “ ‘s cold.” He wonders if he’s shaking as badly as he feels like he is. He suspects the worried crinkled line at the corner of JT’s eyes is answer enough. 

The other man nods, looking around and pulling the blanket at the bottom of the bed up over Malcolm’s shoulders. The blanket is cold and Malcolm only shakes harder. JT scowls at the blanket, “this thing is as thin as paper.” He looks around, looking at a few bags on the other guest chairs. “Hold up, someone must have brought you a jacket or at least some better clothes.”

Malcolm curls his body in tightly, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms tight around himself. 

JT sighs, finding only a sweater Gil must have left at lunch. “This is all I’ve got, man.” At the very least, he might be able to ask for another paper blanket. He holds the sweater up for Malcolm to see, letting him be the judge. JT’s sure Gil won’t be mad if Malcolm borrows the sweater but it’s gonna be a bit of a fight to get Malcolm into it. 

Malcolm recognizes the sweater from a youth spent running through the park during the fall. Gil’s trusty emerald green sweater had been a source of warmth and comfort through the crucial years of his childhood. He’d been crushed in hugs with Gil in that sweater. Its sleeves had wiped many tears from his eyes. 

He nods and JT mirrors the motion. 

JT puts the sweater at the foot of the bed, lowering the bar on the side of the bed between them. “Let me help you sit up,” JT offers but Malcolm wouldn’t be able to sit up without the other man practically pulling him upright. “You okay?” JT’s voice lowers as worry tinges his voice. 

Malcolm nods, “dizzy.”

JT lets him have a moment, waits for Malcolm to peel his eyes back open before picking the sweater up. He rolls the sleeve up as he would for a child and waits for Malcolm to stick his hand in the hole.

“Not a baby,” Malcolm rasps but he sticks his hand in the hole. JT pushes the sleeve of the sweater up his arm and pushes Malcolm’s head through the hole. Malcolm struggles to lift his arm with enough coordination to get his left hand into the sweater’s armhole. JT stays nothing and guides it through. “Thanks.”

JT frowns, Malcolm looks too pale. His body swaying. JT grabs his shoulders, “you good?” He doesn’t say anything. “Malcolm?” JT grunts as Malcolm leans into him, face in his shoulder. “Malcolm, answer me!” None of the machines are alerting him to an irregular heartbeat or bad breathing. 

Malcolm grunts, eyes pinched shut. He grips JT’s shirt tightly in his hand, trying to bite down on the bile trying to creep up his throat. “Dizzy,” he whispers, tears are streaming out of the corner of his eyes. 

JT breathes a sigh of relief, “okay.” Dizzy he can handle. “Lay back down,” JT instructs suddenly struck with how much Malcolm trusts him. He lets JT touch him, easing his shoulders back on the bed until his head is resting against pillows.

JT doesn’t notice the audience in the doorway, too transfixed on his mission. His attention on trying to keep Malcolm from puking all over them both. “Easy,” he breathes, holding Malcolm’s hand under he can muster a full calm breath. “I really thought you were going to puke on me there for a moment.” 

Dani snorts from the doorway and JT looks up in horror, caught red-handed being nice to Malcolm. “ _I_ might just throw up at how cute you two are,” she teases but there are tears swelling in her eyes as steps into the room. 

JT moves out of her way, letting her to Malcolm. He frowns to Gil, “how much of that did you see?”

Gil shrugs with a smile, “I’d say just about all of it.”

Dani moves to Malcolm and she can’t help the sob that rips its way out of her lips. “Hey,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to his lips. She holds his face between her hands, moving her right up through his hair. He’s real. He’s right here.

He pulls away first, a crooked smile on his face. “What, no flowers?” He laughs at his own joke but it falls quickly when instead of laughing Dani cries harder. “Dani,” he reaches up and squeezes her left hand. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t funny. Please don’t cry.” His voice is nearly frantic. He hadn’t meant to upset her.

She shakes her head, uncontrollably crying now. It was just a silly comment. She should have laughed but she can’t stop crying. She wants to stop crying but she can’t stop.

Ainsley steps out from between the little crowd at the doorway. She steps up to Dani, guiding by her shoulders into the chair by his bedside. “Shh,” she hugs Dani to her chest, shushing her gently until her sobs have died down.

Malcolm wants so badly to hold her. To feel her skin against his own but she’s too far away. He makes the mistake of trying to sit up and regrets it immediately. “JT,” he whimpers, hand going protectively to his stomach. His face drains of all color and he wonders what his stomach could possibly be trying to get rid of.

JT’s eyes light up with realization. “Oh shit!” He grabs the trashcan and runs to Malcolm. He’s there just in time, pulling Malcolm upright so he can spit stomach acid and water up. JT winces at the miserable sounds Malcolm makes but it’s over rather quickly. “You alright man?” 

Malcolm is sweaty and fevered chills are running down his back but he nods. He rolls back on his side, his chest to his knees. JT pulls a blanket up over Malcolm’s shoulders, tucking the blanket around him. He hadn’t realized how cold he was. Until the thin blanket adds the slightest bit of warmth back to his body.

“You good?” Ainsley asks, turning her body half-way to Malcolm. When she moves Malcolm can see Dani from the bed. She’s wiping her eyes with a tissue, sniffling sadly at the floor. Ainsley waves her hand in his line of sight when he doesn’t answer, “Malcolm!”

He nods his head, regretting it when his head starts to throb. 

Ainsley takes Dani’s hand, looking to her mother and Gil. “Dani and I are going to-” Ainsley looks down at Dani. “We’re, uh,” she decides not to lie. “We’re gonna argue in the bathroom for a moment.” Ainsley pulls Dani’s hand and obediently Dani goes to the bathroom just to the left of the bed.

Over the sound of the machines, it’s hard to make out what they’re saying.

“... your last…”

“... month… that was the flu…”

“... sex… my brother-”

“We haven’t… I can’t be… it’s not regular…”

“Well… check… can’t hurt.”

JT clears his throat, “sounds pretty heated in there.”

Gil eases himself into one of the chairs, kicking his legs up on the edge of Malcolm’s bed. He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and glasses out of the breast pocket. Putting them on his face he frowns at his phone. After a moment he clears his throat, “I’m sure whatever it is, we don’t want to know.”

Jessica scoffs, “with my children?” She ignores the hurt look Malcolm shoots her. “We don’t want to know but we will probably find out anyhow.” She sighs and settles down too. She takes Malcolm’s hand in her own. His hands are freezing so she cups one of them in her own, rubbing them until they are warm again. 

He smiles sleepily at her. He’s still cold but he feels like he’s been up for hours even if the clock on the wall shows only one hour has passed since he woke to JT and his word search hunt.

The bathroom door opens and Dani and Ainsley exit with a mission. Ainsley grabs her purse off a chair and Dani’s eyes never leave the floor as she walks to the door. “We’re gonna head to the gift shop real quick. Be right back.” Not waiting for a reply from the others. 

Malcolm swallows thickly, head mercilessly pounding. “Mom?” The sound of his weak voice, hoarse and dripping with exhaustion causes the other occupants of the room to look up from their activities. He’s only aware of Jessica though, her thumb brushing over his knuckles. “Is Dani okay?”

Jessica hums and looks over to Gil and JT. She’s not sure and she images the same general thoughts are occurring to the other two. After considering everything, she squeezes his hand. “Darling, it has been awful seeing you like this for all of us.” She picks her words carefully, trying to make it so Malcolm can not blame any of this on himself. “Dani is just tired.”

Gil clears his throat, “but I imagine when she comes back she’d love to climb into this nice little California king with you.” His smile is soft, clearly joking. Malcolm’s back knows it. The mattress feels like it’s digging into his back but he’s finding it harder and harder to care.

“She slept up there with you last night,” JT adds. 

Jessica nods, “she did.” She rubs her thumb over his knuckles once more, “now stop worrying, okay? Get some sleep.” She’s a strange mix of pride and concern when he lets his eyes fall shut. “I do believe Dani has secured you a nice supply of jello for when you’re feeling up for some food.”

Malcolm hums.

\------------

“How much longer?” Dani asks, her nails are in between her teeth. She’s been chewing them nervously since they left. Her heart is trying to beat its way out of her chest and she’s not sure how she feels at all. A part of her wants this, strangely enough, but another part is terrified. They haven’t’ talked about this.

Ainsley stops her own nervous pacing to look down at her watch. “Flip it over!” They both run to the sink, to the pink test lying alone on the countertop. They hover over one another nearly tossing it to the floor as they both make a grab for it. 

Dani clutches it in two fists, fingers hiding the answer. “Ainsely,” tears fill her eyes and her shoulders shake. “What if it’s- Malcolm might not-”

Ainsley takes Dani by the shoulders. “Stop thinking like that,” she fusses. “Malcolm loves you, don’t be silly.” She puts a hand on Dani’s shoulder, “it’s probably negative, anyway. Now-” Ainsley motions down to the test and Dani nods. Slowly, she releases the test until she can turn it over in her right palm.

POSITIVE.

She’s pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANywaY
> 
> How should Malcolm react? How should she tell him?


	4. A Proposal

_He’s asking for her._ The text pulls Ainsley from her stupor. 

The test is still in Dani’s hands. Her crying is over, the shock leaving her trembling and lost in thought. _“What are you going to do?”_ She’s got the sense to know that Malcolm and Ainsley, both, will support any decision that she makes. Even if Ainsley’s bursting with excited energy. 

She’s fearful of Malcolm. He’s going to be torn between excitement and fear. He’d be an amazing father, she knows that with grave certainty but Martin Whitley’s grasp never really seems to be broken. It won’t matter to Malcolm that he’s never been anything but kind and caring. Ainsley had told her about Malcolm’s protective love of even snakes and bugs. He’s not even capable of killing animals and loves that silly parakeet of his-

Sunshine. 

It hadn’t occurred to her to think of the bird until just now. She must have been in Malcolm’s apartment too. “Ainsley,” the blonde looks up from her phone. Dani’s not sure what she would do without her. They’ve become rather close this month. “Did… Sunshine, did she make it out of the apartment?”

Ainsley’s face falls pulls into a frown but Dani knows it’s not because she’s got sad news to relay, just guilt. “Shit,” she whispers. “There was a firefighter, he took her out in her cage. I got a call from the station, she’s with them.” Ainsley runs a hand through her hair, visibly stressing. “Mother just sent me a text, Malcolm wants you.”

Dani swallows thickly, panic building in her chest. “Do I tell him?”

Ainsley wants to ask if she’s certain she’ll keep the baby. Malcolm is going to tear himself apart. He’ll probably start going to therapy multiple times a week, pushing for some miracle cure despite the impossibilities. But she also knows that he will be devoted. He’ll go to every check-up, gather every mid-night craving Dani gets, and he’ll love this baby.

“I…” Dani looks down at the test. “I want this,” she admits softly, looking up with tears swelling in her eyes. “I want a baby with Malcolm but we aren’t even _married_ and we still haven’t talked to Gil about us. We all just kind of… look over it but now…”

Ainsley stands up and offers her hand down to Dani. She helps her to her feet and pulls her into a hug. “Does being married matter to you?”

Dani sniffles, “I don’t know.” She considers it a moment longer. “I don’t want him to marry me just because I’m pregnant.”

Ainsley pulls Dani back, hands gripping her shoulders. She frowns deeply, “don’t be silly. Malcolm is head over heels an idiot in love, you know that.” Dani nods, eyes looking to the floor. “Okay,” Ainsley hugs her once more. Tenderly. “Go take care of my big brother okay? I’m gonna get Sunshine.”

Dani pulls away from the hug and wipes her nose with her sleeve. “Ainsley?” She is slowly pulling herself together. She can’t be a blubbering mess right now. “Thank you.” She looks down at the test still clutched between her fingers. “I’m not sure what I would have done without you.”

Ainsely puts her purse over her shoulder and blushes. She shrugs it away with a smile, “what are sisters for?”

Dani smiles so hard it hurts her face, “you know, I always wanted a sister.”

They walk out of the bathroom with each other’s hands around their shoulders.

“Me too,” Ainsley replies. They stop at the access door to get back to Malcolm’s door. “Are you going to tell him?” She hates how confused Dani is. She’s so strong that it’s hard to remember she can break too. “Dani,” puts her hand on Dani’s. “No matter what you chose to do, you have my support and… for what it’s worth, Malcolm has always wanted kids.”

Dani smiles sadly and Ainsley releases her, leaving so that she can go get Sunshine. The hallway is both long and all-consuming and too short at the same time. She’s lost in her thoughts, her mind not made up on what she wants and she knows Malcolm won’t know either. Her feet carry her to the destination without much thought and she finds herself in the doorway before she’s ready.

The lights are cut off and she remembers the day has slipped between her fingers. Malcolm’s slept all day and she’s still running off of last night’s catnap. She takes a deep steadying breath and steps into the room. It’s the same as when she left earlier but empty of everyone but Malcolm.

He’s lying on his back, still swallowed in Gil’s sweater. His eyes are closed, chest rising slowing. The canal still under his nose and hissing alongside his soft wheezes. Someone must have brought him better clothes. She can see a black Hanes shirt peeking out from beneath the collar of the sweater.

She slips into the room but he notices. She can hear the intake of his breath as he wakes, drawn to her presence. He smiles as his eyes find her. It makes her heart flutter and any fears or apprehension she held before are gone.

She sits on the edge of the bed, taking her head in his. “I’m sorry I’ve been so absent,” she whispers and he rolls over so that he’s facing her. She runs a hand through his unruly hair, smiling when he pushes into her hand and closes his eyes. 

He hums after a moment, just enjoying her touch. He wants her closer, holdable. “Come here,” he says hoarsely. She looks adamant, afraid to hurt him. “Please Dani.” She can’t deny, not when those sad pools of blue hit her like a punch to the gut. 

She’s careful and he hates that. The moment she’s close enough, he tangles himself around her. There’s a weight off her chest the moment she settles into the bed with him. It takes some shifting to get really comfortable in the bed but once she does, she realizes it is a little cold. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, pressing her face into his shoulder. “I should have brought you clothes or you weighted blanket at least.” She can feel each beat of his breath and she can hear the steady breaths he takes. He’s warm too and she’s relieved to feel his arms wrapped around her again.

He shakes his head squeezing her, “I’m okay.” He would like a better blanket, still shivering despite the one pulled over their shoulders. She’s here now, though, and he can feel himself slipping off into sleep. Her hands may be cold the rest of her is a familiar warmth that his body can’t fight leaning into.

“Gil is forcing us all to come to a cookout, this weekend.” She pulls her arms between their bodies, closing her eyes. With her head just underneath his chin, she can hear his sleepy groan. It makes his chest rumble and she smiles. Just a night ago she’d rest against his body and felt his skin but he wasn’t there. His fingers didn’t tap against her skin as his hand shook. He didn’t make any soft sounds in his sleep. 

His breathing was mechanical. 

He moves, nestling closer. His head bowed into her hair and his knees drawn up to touch her. “I’m sick, though.” They love Gil and his cookouts. Malcolm is just talking to keep himself awake. To cherish their proximity. 

Dani rolls her eyes, “you have three days to get better.” She moves her arms from between them, overwhelmed with the need to hold him back. Her arms wrap around his back, pulling him against her. The tension in her chest eases. 

“Move in,” he offers, his thumb rubbing the soft fabric of her shirt. He’s been thinking about her apartment all day. There’s nothing he wouldn’t give to protect her and he’s beyond glad that she wasn’t with him the other night but he doesn’t want to spend nights away from her. He doesn’t want her to go where he can’t.

She sucks in a shakey breathe but he’s not done.

“Marry me, Dani Powell.” He can remember Ainsley being ten and explaining to him every detail down to bridesmaids and flowers what her wedding would be like. At sixteen, he was just hanging on to each day, unsure he’d live to see the day his sister would walk down the aisle to greet a man she loved.

Now, he knows what that must have felt like for Ainsley. To know that stuff. He may not know what kind of flowers will be pinned to his tux pocket or what song Dani will pull his two left feet along the dance floor to but he knows _her_.

That if she asked him not to go, he’d stand in one spot until the earth around him was nothing and even then, through the rain and hell, he’d stay. That if he could bottle her up, he’d drink her until his voice slurred and his vision became so blurry Gil would take his keys and tuck him into the couch for the night. _“You’re drunk, Bright.”_ And he’d agree with a sloppy grin. 

“Malcolm…”

He presses his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. He trusts her. “It’s okay,” he promises because if she says no if she whispers that it’s all happening too fast he’d be okay with that. He wants her. If that means waiting until the world comes crashing in around them then by God she needs to know he’d wait for her in death. “I can wait-”

She presses her lips to his, silencing him. It steals his breath. “Yes.” She runs her fingers over his face. “Yes to both. I’ll move in and I’ll-I’ll marry you.” 

He grins a sleepy, goofy smile that makes her heart want to burst. “You don’t have to,” he reminds her. He’s always reminding her she doesn’t have to love him. She doesn’t have to stay. “You’re beautiful and so smart,” his voice loses its courage. “We might not-” he stops himself mid-sentence and forces his eyes up to hers. “I might not be… I might not be able to give you kids.”

She’s caught completely off guard. The heat of guilt makes her face too warm. “Malcolm,” it’s late and this is not a conversation she wants to have right now. “You have my answer,” she rubs her fingers against his skin. She’s all nerves and she just prays that the low light of the room and his exhaustion stop him from seeing it. “It won’t change.”

He looks adamant and it kills hers to see his insecurities so vibrantly displayed on his face. She wonders if she’ll hate him for not telling him sooner about the embryo in her womb. She swallows thickly and opens her mouth, it’s just three words. It can’t be that hard. Her throat catches the words and they morph into, “I love you.”

The frown washes away and he ducks away from her attention for a moment. “I love you, too.” He exhales it against her neck as he lowers his head to her chest. It makes guilt tinge her movements. She runs her hand against his hair, keeping him pulled close. 

His breathing evens out, his fingers become slack in hers. 

She should have told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MEAN, how is she SUPPOSED TO TELL him? I've never been pregnant and Dani doesn't strike me as the super extravagant kind... 
> 
> ... I could just kill him? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ just saying


	5. JT & Gil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want nothing more than to spend 100+ chapters reading about Malcolm and Dani holding each other

He learned at fourteen-years-old that it’s okay to live for someone else. His baby sister was curled up on his chest, looking to him to answer for his actions. The consequence two long jagged scars up both wrists that would never really fade away.

He’s lived for the Golden Girls reruns on TV. He’s lived for winter break and going shopping with Ainsley for Christmas presents. His mother’s smile when he and Ainsley laugh so hard they cry. He’s lived to see Gil and Jackie just one more time. So that they don’t have to bury him. So that they don’t have to find him.

He’s lived so Gil isn’t alone. 

Today, he’s living for himself. He wants to wake up in a month, in the same bed as Dani. He wants to go to work and solve murders. He wants to marry his best friend. He wants life with all its ups and downs and the cocktail of medication that’s sitting on the island at home. He wants it all. 

“Not so fast hot stuff,” Malcolm turns around and Gil is standing about a foot away with a wheelchair. He refrains from rolling his eyes at the sight of it. “Hospital policy.” Right, of course, but he’s not really hurt. He’s got a warning, ‘ _come back if there’s any distress_ ’. He wonders if they really mean any but shakes the thought away. He’s being dramatic and he hasn’t got the right to. He’s supposed to be happy. 

He’s alive. 

Dani said yes.

So… he needs to stop being sad. After all this time, all the medicine, the therapy- Hell, at this point, it would have been cheaper to just throw him away and start again with a new human. Probably safer too. At least this time Martin’s genes could be left out… All the homicidal, narcissistic-

“Dani’s gonna be out for most of the day.”

He can’t breathe for a moment. Panic and anxiety hot pools of pain in his stomach. He forces himself to pull air in through his nose, fingernails digging crescent moons into his palms. He exhales slowly but his heart keeps beating fiercely in his chest.

“Your mom has her,” Gil clarifies but it’s not helping. Dani is supposed to be home. They’re gonna make a fort and spend the day watching Bones reruns on TV. He was going to make Earl Grey tea and watch her in silent amazement when she falls asleep two episodes in. 

“Evidently,” JT’s voice comes out of nowhere and Malcolm looks up to find they’re outside. He’s pulled up to a car and they’re both waiting on him to move. “You’re going to some fancy gala this weekend. She’s picking out a dress.” JT motions to his phone, “she’s not thrilled.”

Malcolm can only imagine. “Has she-” his voice gives and he swallows thickly. Hoping that the other men haven't taken note. “Has she said when they’ll be back?”

A heavy hand falls on his shoulder, Gil suddenly crouching down in front of him. Fingers dig into the knot at the base of his neck and he can feel Gil’s fingers working the tension out. “Kid,” he breathes the nickname fondly. “JT and I are on Bright duty for the whole day, okay?” He pats Malcolm’s cheek, “we won’t leave you in the apartment alone.”

Oh. His chest eases and...that’s what he’s afraid of. It’s not about Dani, he realizes. He’s afraid to go home and not wake up this time. To succumb to an invisible force when he’s spent his whole life fighting his own mind. At least then, he knew his battlefield. He could recognize the danger.

JT opens the car door, motioning for Malcolm to see what’s in the back. “Look, she sent me on a whole mission this morning.” He motions to a few bags, naming off its contents. “I have tea, Twizzlers, ginger ale, and jello.” He rolls his eyes, “is jello and Twizzlers all you really eat?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

JT looks between Gil and Malcolm, trusting Gil’s ‘yes’ over Malcolm’s ‘no’. He hums, “well, Dani says we’re booked for a Bones marathon? I’ve never seen it but she assures me that I’ll enjoy it.” He’s not sure about any show named Bones but Dani has promised to kick his ass if he leaves Malcolm and honestly, he hasn’t got it in his heart to leave him anyway.

Malcolm is given the front seat. He knows it’s so that JT can keep an eye on him, better than leaving him alone in the backseat. He’s not sure how he feels about knowing JT is worried about him. He’s used to Gil and the constant neck touching but JT is different.

Protective. 

Malcolm wakes up in the car, unaware of the fact that he’d dozed off. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, trying to pull himself together. “We’re here?” He yawns, nearly losing his balance in the seat at the force of it. He pushes his hands into his fist, looking akin to a sleepy toddler as he makes an uncoordinated attempt at getting out of the car. 

He finds JT’s arms around his shoulders and leans into the contact. The wind blows gently around them, creeping up the coat wrapped around Malcolm’s shoulders. He shivers, his body jerking aimlessly as if he’s got no control as his teeth chatter.

“You know,” JT’s tone already a little too matter-of-fact. “If you weren’t so skinny, you wouldn’t get cold so easily.” Silently, he slips his own coat over Malcolm’s shoulders and picks up their pace. 

The weight of the second jacket is warm and Malcolm does his best not to curl up into it. He forces his feet to keep carrying him forward, rewarded with a smile from Gil as he holds the door open so he and JT can slip in. 

He’s still shivering under the mountain of jackets but once inside he can feel the heat of the building welcoming him back. Soft chirping fills his chest with ease. “Sunshine,” he says softly and closes his eyes. He can nearly reach the sun from here, the beams settling on his pale skin. Even better, he can see a pair of soft yellow wings fly across the living room.

Gil doesn’t seem pleased that Sunshine has found his shoulder an appropriate place to watch Malcolm and the new visitor but he doesn’t say anything. Together, father figure and pet, watch JT sit Malcolm on the couch. Both ready to rise to his defense if need be.

Malcolm sinks into the couch, limping allowing JT to move his limbs as he sees fit. The flapping of wings makes JT take several steps away from Malcolm as Sunshine settles herself on the arm of the couch. Her little eyes watch him and JT isn’t sure if he should be freaked out or not.

Malcolm smiles at Sunshine, opening his hand invitation for her to come closer. He whistles a show tune, what JT thinks is House opening sound, and Sunshine finishes it with a happy little bop of her head. Malcolm’s grin gets impossibly big.

“You hungry kid?” 

Sunshine bops her body up and down, captivating all of Malcolm’s attention. She chirps happily, jumping to the palm of his hand and gently nipping at the tips of his fingers. “I missed you too,” he whispers and closes his eyes as she walks up his arm and pushes her tiny body against his face. She takes his nose in her beak, not biting just playing. She clicks her tongue, bobbing her head.

“Dani says she’ll be back in about two hours,” JT updates him from the kitchen, struggling to make the tea Dani insisted Malcolm needed to have at least a cup of before she got home. He doesn’t see the urgency, Malcolm’s been hooked up to saline for the last few days. It’s probably the most hydrated he’s been in a while.

Malcolm’s attention strays from Sunshine, his gentle petting pausing. “Two hours?” It comes out sadder than he means it to. He turns his attention to his recliner, where Gil has taken the seat and is flipping through one of Malcolm’s books. The older man suppresses an eye-roll. “I mean,” Malcolm tries to amend his comment. “I don’t want-”

Gil shakes it off, “kid, we get it.” He puts the book down and smiles, “you want Dani. I get that. She’s probably way better at playing nurse than JT.”

Malcolm’s just tired enough to agree, “prettier too.”

JT groans from the kitchen. He comes into the living room carrying a mug of tea. It’s Dani’s mug but Malcolm doesn't bother telling him that. JT looks proud having accomplished his task. “I just want you to know-” JT holds it very carefully as if the liquid could jump out of the mug. “I just want you to know this taste like flowers.”

Malcolm struggles to sit himself up but smiles when the cup is pressed into his hands. It’s warmth slowly works up his arms. He takes a tentative sip. JT can’t make tea like Dani but the teas already doing its job. He swallows a small slip and he allows himself the pleasure of drowsy warmth. “It’s Dani's favorite,” he hums with his eyes closed. 

Sunshine clicks her tongue, pushing her head into his neck. 

Someone else pushes the mug back up to his lips. “Come on,” a deep voice encourages. Malcolm doesn’t fight it, opening his eyes just enough to see Gil. “Get at least half down,” he takes another sip. It’s too much to fight against and he falls asleep despite the voice encouraging him to take another sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am here for women supporting women: Ainsley and Dani being BFFS  
> and  
> I am here for the end of toxic masculinity: JT and Malcolm WILL be BFFS who hug! 
> 
> Also, Sunshine owns my whole heart. I want a spin-off show of just her vibing to life while Malcolm tries to live off eating Twizzlers for every meal


	6. A Walk in the Park

She’s hugging Gil goodbye when Malcolm stumbles out of the bathroom. She can see the dark bags under his eyes from where she stands. He doesn’t see her though. Sunshine flies over to his shoulder, nestling under his chin as he makes his unsteady voyage to the door. 

“Look after our boy,” Gil sighs both of their eyes on Malcolm.

She smiles softly, that seems to be a catchphrase between the two of them. “You know I will.” She shuts the door gently behind Gil and the sound makes Malcolm look up. She frowns at the look of confusion on his face, stepping to close the space between them.

He melts into her touch, wrapping his thin arms around her. He takes a full breath of air in, her coconut shampoo taking away the dull ache in his head. “JT made me tea,” he whispers. Her arms wrap around him too and he wants nothing more than to stand like this forever. “I threw it up. Thr-Threw my medicine up too.”

She rubs her fingers up his spin, feeling every vertebrae. He’d put on ten pounds since their relationship began. To the naked eye, it’s not visible but she could see it. She knew it was there and she sang his praises. He’s ashamed now, nearly as skeletal as when they first started dating and all because of a few days in the hospital.

It’s not his fault. 

She shushes him and presses a kiss his jawline. “We’ve got some seltzer and ginger ale,” she offers, knowing both are easier on his stomach. She can feel him tense, his stomach still in distress. A better idea comes to mind. “We’ve got all day to do whatever you want.”

He’s not sure what it is that he wants. Should he say something like checkers or offer to go on a run? She loves checkers, prefers it to his chess, but he’s not really in the mood for either. She loves to run too and he loves the way she looks when she’s running but he’s not sure he can manage to keep up with her. 

“How ‘bout—” she reads his frown and knows he’s overthinking. “We hop in the shower and go for a walk in the park?” He smells like the disinfectant at the hospital and his hair could really use a good wash. She wants their hugs to smell like _him_ again and not hospitals and sickness.

He hums his agreeance, pulling away from her hug to glance at the bathroom. “Together?” He’s not sure he’s in the mood for shower sex but there’s something in the soft way she smiles that he knows that’s not what she’s asking for.

She takes his hand and pulls him in the direction of the bathroom. “Yes, together, silly.” She ushers him in, taking control of the water. He needs warmer water, even if he’d prefer torturing himself with nearly freezing water. Checking it with her wrist, she flicks the extra water away before stepping closer to him. She pulls the hem of his shirt over his head, helping him kick out of his pants. 

Naked, he feels the blood rushing to his face. How is it that she looks at him and sees something that she loves? He’s averagely tall and underweight. A nightmare away from a psychotic break most nights and taking the wrong dosage of pills in the morning could have him in the morgue before lunch. Looking at her, he’s lost in her perfection. Her breasts, her muscles in her thighs moving as she checks the water, and the dark curls tumble past her shoulder blades—

She clears her throat and he really blushes then. She doesn’t comment though, simply offers him a hand into the shower. He takes it tentatively, stepping under the warm water with a sigh. He’s caught off guard when his fingers slide through his hair, washing it gently. 

“Close your mouth,” she nudges his slacked jaw with her wrist, careful to keep the suds away. She can’t help but grin at the sight of him utterly at her mercy as she washes his hair. Their lack of height difference making it much easier for her to see his blissed-out smile. 

She pushes him under the gentle spray of water, guiding his head back until she runs her fingers can push the suds out of his hair. Turning them, she places herself under the water wetting her own hair to be washed. As she’s working the soup through her hair, Malcolm melts into her. His arms around her hips and face pressed into her bare neck.

“Say it again?” she asks. She turns them again, gently running conditioner through his hair as the warm water runs between them. For a moment, she thinks he hasn’t heard her but his eyes lazily blink open. Startlingly blue eyes settle on her, waiting. “Say you love me.” Her hand moves down his jaw, the hair catching against the pads of her fingers. 

He shakes his head, his smile still in place. The hand he has cupping her hip squeezes gently. “I love you, Dani Powell, so much it hurts.”

Their bodies are flush against one another, standing in between each other's thighs as the water washes over them. 

Water streams down his nose, his eyes blinking owlishly. 

“Malcolm—”

“Dani—” He shakes his head, “no, say what you need to.”

She looks down at their feet, water dripping into her eyes. Exhaling slowly, she presses her head into his chest. “I’m not… Sometimes, when things are hard or when we fight—” she forces her eyes up to his. “You have a tendency to run from me.” She needs him to understand. “To hide.”

He nods, eyes falling to the side. He does run away, he knows that. It’s the only way he knows to protect her. His emotions can be too much to handle and sometimes he just needs to get away, to sit outside when it’s too cold, and just be with that pain. Alone.

“It… scares me,” she adds, taking his hand. She brushes her thumb over his knuckles, hoping to bring his attention back to her and not wherever he’s let it shift. “I want to be in this together, Malcolm. I trust you, just… trust me too.”

He opens his mouth, going to at least attempt to force the words out. To tell her he won’t run when he can’t promise that. 

She places her finger over his lips, stopping him because she knows he’s going to say the words and not mean them. That’s not what she wants. “Don’t,” she whispers softly. “Take your time, mean it.” She rolls onto her toes and kisses him, her hand running up the back of his head. 

She closes her eyes, guilt creeping into her chest as she thinks about the secret safely nestled underneath her flesh. “Ready for that walk?” she asks hoarsely. Her own hair isn’t washed but she’ll let him step out and dry off.

He sighs and lowers his head to her shoulder. He shakes his head after a moment of consideration. “No, but if you’re promising Bones and cuddling on the couch afterward?” 

She smiles, “get out of the shower, Malcolm.”

It takes him a moment, not wanting to leave her arms or the warmth of the water sliding down his body. “I’ll bring you a change of clothes,” he offers, kissing her gently before stepping out.

She’s left alone in the shower. As she works the soap through her hair, washing her hair and body as she had done for him, she considers raising a child. After her father’s death, things were hard for her mother and on them. Passing the washcloth over her stomach, she promises their unborn child a childhood with two parents. 

————————

“Come here,” Dani pulls Malcolm closer to her. The sharp winter air sending chills down his thin frame. He wouldn’t be cold if he’d worn the scarf she told him to grab but luckily for him, she grabbed a hat. She pulls a simple grey beanie over his ears, fixing so it sits right on his head. “If you get a cold…” she threatens with a shake of her head.

He tries not to be childishly grumpy at being forced into a hat. She takes his hand once again and his mood shifts back to content. She’s got him captivated, almost every thought he has through-out the day is of her. The way she laughs without abandon and presses ‘I love you’ into every inch of his skin.

“You know,” she pulls him from his thoughts with a gentle bump of her hip against his. “My dad used to take my brothers and I to this park.” 

He wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his body as the breeze blows past them. He doesn’t know much about her father. In fact, aside from knowing that her father died when she was young and that she has several brothers, he knows nothing of her youth. He spends so much time avoiding talking about his own that, well now, he realizes he’s made it difficult for her to speak about her own. 

Her head comes to rest on his shoulder. A few paces ahead, a small child screams in joy as her father chases her around a big oak. The mother is sitting on a bench, another baby strapped to her chest. The father roars dramatically, the end cutting off in laughter as his daughter falls to the ground unable to contain her own.

“He would bring us all to the park,” her eyes captivated by the family in front of them. “We’d spend the day throwing footballs and chasing each other around.” They pass the family and neither can tear their eyes away from the happy sight. “My mom would bring lunch,” she adds squeezing his hand. “We made a whole day of it.”

Her eyes turn sad and the sight makes his chest tight. Lost in her memories, a place he can’t go. He squeezes her hand, a bitter sadness in the way her lips twist into the smile he knows all too well. 

“When he died,” her voice catches and Malcolm stops walking. She smiles up at him despite the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She pulls him on, leaning back against his chest as he resumes walking hesitantly. “It was hard, for all of us.” She wipes the tears falling down her face away, smiling when Malcolm hugs her tight. “He was a cop. Shot and killed three blocks from our apartment, a mugging gone wrong.” 

The way her voice catches makes him stop again, this time forcing her to as well. He pulls her tight to his chest, unable to bear it any longer. She cries into his chest, choking out, “I remember—” Her uncle, a man of no blood relation to them but her father’s partner, knocking on the door. Her father’s blood on his hands. He wasn’t fast enough. 

“It’s hard growing up without a father,” she whispers and while their fathers are nothing alike, she knows he understands. She looks up at him, tears chilling to her skin. “I don’t want our children to grow up without a father. I know what that’s like and I need you to promise me—”

“Dani—” his eyes are wide with shock.

“Promise me, Malcolm, that my baby-that _our_ baby won’t grow up without a dad.” 

He takes in a shuddering breath. _Their_ baby. She’s— His cold hands find her cheeks, cupping her face gently in his trembling hands. He presses a tender kiss to her lips, his chest burning with fear and uncertainties. “I’m not going anywhere, Dani.” 

They share a small laugh, his right hand slipping from her cheek to her stomach. His fingers brush against the fabric of her coat, his eyes lingering for a moment. “You’re pregnant?” His voice cracks over the word, a single tear slipping down his cheek.

“Don’t cry,” she says with a smile. She brushes the tear away and he steps into her, pulling her close to his chest. He folds himself around her, crying. “Oh, baby,” she whispers, cupping the back of his head. 

They’d spoken about his fertility, a medical conversation. He’d been tested, more out of his own morbid curiosity than anything else but he was still shattered to learn how low his sperm count was. His chances of being a father staggering low but it’d been a relief at the same time.

He laughs, pulling away from her. Tears are still falling down his cheeks as he chuckles. “My mother is going to be very pleased.”

Dani laughs, remembering many conversations at Friday breakfast circling into a question of when Ainsley or Malcolm would be making her a grandmother. “Ainsley knows,” she says, smiling at the confused smile that places on his lips. “She kind of figured it out after everything that happened at the hospital.”

Malcolm swallows thickly, smiling, “Gil’s going to kill us.”

Dani shakes her head, “he’s gone completely soft.” She smiles at the thought of what his face will look like when they tell him. Pleased, she imagines. He loves them both and their partnership is his fault. “He’ll be thrilled to be—”

“A grandfather,” Malcolm finishes and Dani nods. “And I’m…” His eyes look back down to her stomach, “I’m gonna be a father.” His voice cracks and tears start to pour back down his eyes, “I’m gonna be a father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's grey beanie is inspired by Tom Payne's...
> 
> Of course, Gil is going to be the grandpa. My man spends all day long parenting these two, it's the least that he deserves


	7. Grandparents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is cute and all until you realize that I _have_ to hurt Malcolm so that Dani can sob and exclaim "you promised!" while he bleeds all over her... oh, damn, that gave me a _really_ good idea

“Out damn spot,” his voice is a rumble in his chest, her ear pressed to his breast bone. She feels the baritone in his voice, husky from the nap he hasn’t quite woken completely from. “Out, I say! One, two. They then ‘tis time d’ot.” He clears his throat, swiping a hand over his face before turning the page. “Hell is murky. Fie, my lord, fie a soldier and afeard?”

She pulls the weighted blanket up to her bare shoulders. Fie and afeard, that private school education has done him well but she read Macbeth in high school too. While he adores the Scottish tragedy, the drama of a baby ripped from his mother’s womb growing to kill the lead. It’s daunting and twisting. Hamlet is more her style but it’s got too many daddy issues and hallucinations to be his flavor. A little too close to home.

“Here’s the smell of blood still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.” He yawns and it distracts him just enough from the book in his hand that he catches her wandering eyes. He blushes, turning his head for a moment. “What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing, I just like watching you.” She reaches up and runs a hand through the hair on his face, steadily getting longer each day he leaves it. “You should grow a beard,” she hums, nails scratching gently. 

He grimaces, afraid of what he might look like if he adopted his father’s signature beard. Then it occurs to him, that beards are pretty common amongst fathers. Hesitantly, he draws his own fingers through the hair on his face. Would he look like _his_ father or would he just look like _a_ father? 

He’s pulled from his thoughts as Dani slowly takes his forgotten book from his hand. “Hey,” he tries to reach back out for it but she keeps it away with a teasing smile. “I was reading to the baby,” he informs her with a puff.

She leans in, stealing a kiss from his frowning lips before replacing the books bookmark and rising to her feet. “It is absolutely adorable that you read to the baby.” She slides it onto the shelf she watched him draw it from earlier. “However, the baby can not hear you. The baby is just an embryo.” She smiles at his frown, knowing he’s really upset that she’s pulled away from his arms. “And we need to get ready,” she reminds him. “We have to go see your mother.”

He falls back in the bed dramatically, arms splayed out on the bed. “I don’t want to,” he complains, rolling over onto his stomach. He buries his head into the comforter and screams a muffled curse. He doesn’t pick his head back up.

She throws her legs over his back, settling herself on his butt. She walks her fingers up his back, smiling when he moves his head to lay on the side. “We have to go,” she reminds him, digging her fingers into a rather tense part of his back. His mouth opens as she soothes the muscle. “We’re telling your mother and Gil, remember?”

He groans. Telling his mother is going to be a whole _thing_. Tears will be exchanged, he’s gonna get worked up. Everyone’s going to be hugging him, all of them standing too close. Ainsley will pull Dani away and leave him to be pulled and pushed around all night. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” she assures him, mistaking his silence for fear of his mother’s reaction. He can predict what his mother will do. She’ll be a puddle of tears, shocked that her problem child is getting married and having a child. 

“Yeah, of course.”

\-----------------------

He holds her hand through the car ride. His anxiety heightening her own. He’s unable to sit still, shifting in his seat and biting his nails. A part of her wants to snap at him, to tell him to just calm down but that is painfully unhelpful. So she just squeezes his hand and smiles at him. Her presence the only comfort she can think to offer.

“Wait,” he falters at the doorstep. He shakes his head, breath caught in his chest. “I can’t do this. I can’t-” his hand pulls at his collar. The tie around his neck a noose. His mouth opens, his eyes looking at his mother’s house, but he can’t move. He can’t think. “Dani-”

She steps to put them chest to chest, her hand over his heart. “Deep breath,” she instructs softly. His eyes dropping to her hand. He knows it’s a simple task, he needs to inhale enough to move her hand but it seems daunting. “Breathe, Malcolm.” 

He puts his hand over hers, forcing the air into his lungs. He can feel them move. The pain in his chest eases slowly with each rise of their hands and he blinks the tears away from his eyes. “Okay,” he sighs shakily, “okay.” He needs a moment longer and she doesn’t pull away. He’s got all the time he needs and after a moment he nods.

“Ready?” She pulls his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together. Men have fought wars for women like Dani. Died screaming, covered in their own blood to get a taste of the kind of love that she could bestow. Here he stands, his hand grasped gently in hers and he hasn’t fought any harrowing battles. The blood staining his hands may be is his own but his battle is a coward’s. A battle he’s never won with his own mind. How is that harrowing? How is that worthy?

His mother greets them at the door, champagne glass in hand. Her lipstick is flawless and Dani wonders how she drinks from those silly little glasses without smearing the corners of her lips. Even Dani’s best lipstick fails to withstand those cups.

Jessica beacons them in but Dani doesn’t move. She looks back to Malcolm, waiting for his sign that he’s okay to go on. Dani turns back to Jessica, flashing her an easy smile, “we’ll be in. Just give us a second?”

Jessica looks them over gauging her son’s panic before wishing Dani silent luck and closing the door. 

The door isn’t even shut all the way and her arms are looped around his neck. She pulls him down around her, the warmth of his body seeping through her dress. “I don’t know what you’re thinking,” she admits in a soft whisper. “I do know that look in your eyes.” She moves, pushing their foreheads together looking straight into his blue eyes. “I love you, Malcolm. If I have to spend the rest of my life reminding you, I will but-”

He kisses her, a gentle tender kiss that manages to still her breath. He can’t help but smile because it feels like they interrupt one another far too frequently with kisses.

She squints her eyes at him, “I _hate_ it when you do that.” She sighs, biting her lower lip, “but I think I love it too.”

He offers a shaky laugh in response, leaning back into her.

She runs a hand up the side of his face, through his hair. “It’s going to be okay, you know that, right?” She can’t fathom it going bad. Today is going to be fantastic because his mother and Gil are getting amazing news. “They’re going to be so proud of you.”

He blushes and shakes his head. He clears his throat, “I mean, getting married is pretty impressive considering that I spent my youth touring the psychiatric facilities of New York.” His eyes drift to her stomach, hands reflexively spreading protectively over it. “As far as the baby goes…” a humourous smile spreads over his face. “If memory serves me right, most of the work fell on you that night.”

“That’s disgusting!”

They both jump, unaware of the cracked front door where the house’s three occupants are watching and listening intently. Ainsley opens the door, the owner of the statement that got the other’s caught. She marches out of the house. She throws Malcolm into a hug, squeezing him so tight a choked laugh falls out of his mouth. When she turns to Dani she’s frowning, “you didn’t tell me about the _proposal_!”

Gil and Jessica are frozen. Both stand in the doorway, shoulder-to-shoulder to one another. Frozen in disbelief. 

Despite the happy yelling happening between Dani and Ainsley, Malcolm is stuck on the surprised shock of his mother and Gil. He takes a tentative step towards them. “Mom? Gil?”

His mother cries silently, tears slipping down her eyes like she doesn’t even realize it. The man standing in front of her… There was a point in his life that she thought she was going to bury him. That no matter how hard she was fighting, no matter how much she needed him to be here with her that she would hold him in her arms as he drew his last breath. Now, he’s in a suit, a beard growing over his _adult_ face- he’s going to be a father.

“Oh my baby boy,” she closes the space between them. Her hug is crushing but it lifts a weight he hadn’t realized he was carrying off his shoulders. He hugs her back, returning the crushing hug. “You’re gonna-” she can’t even get the words out. She’s proud and excited beyond silly little words. Her baby is having a baby!

He nods, “yes. Didn’t imagine this, did you?” He laughs, “going to be married and a father before Ainsley even gets a steady boyfriend.”

Jessica doesn’t allow his comment to slip into one of her children’s more heated arguments. Instead, she gentle directs his attention to her. “I have _always_ had faith in you, Malcolm.” This time, it’s her turn to put the tears in his eyes. “You’ve always been so kind and soft-hearted,” she swallows thickly, afraid her voice might give. “I…”

Gil steps in, placing a hand on the small of Jessica’s back. “What your mother means, Bright, is that we’re proud.”

Jessica rolls her eyes at being interrupted but wipes her tear away with a smile. “Yes. We’re proud.”

Malcolm smiles as he’s pulled into Gil’s chest. The familiar comfort of always being smaller than Gil makes him contently happy. He wraps his arms around the older man, laughing when he feels Gil’s chest hitch with a sob.

“I told you he’s getting soft,” Dani mumbles and an arm leaves Malcolm to pull Dani into the hug. She laughs as she’s pressed between Malcolm and Gil in a tight hug.

Gil shakes his head, “I have never nor will I ever be soft.” Tell that to the tears streaming down his face. “You two are just my problem children and I’m just very concerned what kind of hyperactive, too smart for its own good baby you’re going to have.”

Dani looks up at her boss. He’s been there for her since her father died. Nursed her through an addiction she shouldn’t have had. He’s been a father figure, soft and gentle but decisive and strong when need be. “Oh,” she laughs, “well, you’ll know, won’t you? They’ll be running around your house calling you grandpa.”

Gil stops. He inhales shakily, a breathy cry leaving his mouth. “No,” he gasps, looking down at the mess he helped create. A partnership he had no idea would turn into what it is today. “You’re serious?”

Malcolm nods, smiling, “of course.”

Gil looks up, trying to pull himself together. He fails.

“We haven’t told JT or Edrisa,” Malcolm warns because both those announcements will wait for the weekend at Gil’s. The promised barbeque now serving multiple purposes. 

Gil shakes his head, “I-... They’re gonna be thrilled.”

Malcolm hopes so. He has the smallest doubt that JT won’t be angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything you guys would like to see in the next few chapters?


	8. Bonfire

There’s a distinctly _Malcolm_ sound coming from the kitchen: the ceramic jars on the counter moving from their designated places. She rolls over to her right, pushing herself up on an arm to see her alarm clock… It's three in the morning and her fiancee is eating Twizzlers in the kitchen. She falls down to the bed, sighing as she considers her options. Does she leave Malcolm to his unhealthy snacking at this unGodly hour or does she attempt to rein him in?

The bed's getting cold with the absence of his body. “Malcolm,” she throws the comforter off of her, forcing herself from the bed. She pulls a discarded sweater over her head, covering her goosebumped arms as she pads to the kitchen. Malcolm is like a deer in headlights. “Twizzlers, really?”

He has the decency to look guilty. Chewing the end of one of the Twizzlers, he leans against the counter. Hair ungelled and in nothing but the boxer briefs he went to bed in, his natural beauty is enough to make her heart throb. She’s trying not to let that distract her because she needs to get him away from the Twizzlers. 

“Dance with me,” he offers, popping the end of a Twizzler in his mouth. He scoops her left hand up, interlacing their fingers as he guides her to free space between the bedroom and kitchen. He lets go to turn on the stereo, smiling when smooth guitar fills the room. “John Mayer!” He recognizes the beat, gliding back to her with a happy smile. “You love John Mayer!”

She shakes her head, letting him pull her into the beat. Yes, she’s a fan of John Mayer but 3 a.m. might be just a little too early to really appreciate him. Malcolm doesn’t appear to think the same as he hums along to the intro, settling a rhythmic shift for their hips. She settles against him, closing her eyes. “I do love John Mayer.”

He chuckles softly, pressing his face to her neck. “More than me?” he asks, playfully. He moves his fingers along her back to the sound, relaxing. 

Her hands wrapped around him, she can feel his muscles shifting. She hopes that as the song plays on, his movements will calm and slow. Sleep threatening to consume him. But for now, she lets her cheek rest on his shoulder. “His lips are nicer than yours,” she ventures, earning another soft chuckle from him. “But,” she breathes, “I love you more.”

She shivers the cool air in the apartment sending goosebumps up her arms and legs. Despite the sweater, she’s still cold. He squeezes her gently, hoping his body heat can warm her up. She wonders how he’s not cold.

She can’t help but giggle as she gets a mental picture of them, cheeks burning. Pressing her face to his bare chest she shakes her head, “we look ridiculous.” 

He hums, shaking his head. He presses a kiss to her cheek, just under her ear. His breath sends a different type of chill down her body, “you look beautiful.” The beat changes, the song coming to an end. He keeps her pulled close, “one more?”

She can’t refuse him so she nods, closing her eyes and pressing her face into the warmth of his skin. They don’t speak, just shift ever so slowly to the beat. He hums to the words, spreading the warmth between them. The song feels unusually short.

“Come to bed?” she asks. 

He nods.

She pulls him under the sheets, tucking the comforter around them both. In the low light, she pauses and just looks at him for a moment. “You’re cute, do you know that?” She groans as he blushes, only making him that much cuter. “God, I love you.” She curls up against him, knowing that in the morning she’ll wake up on the edge of her side where he’s hogged the bed. For now, she just enjoys his body heat.

He presses a kiss to her forehead, “I love you too.”

\--------------------------

“I’m pregnant.”

JT chokes on his beer, doubling over himself as he coughs and sputters. Tally’s attention is split, her eyes on the younger couple across the bonfire but her hand gently running over her husband’s back. 

“About a month,” she ventures, glancing at Malcolm out of the corner of her eyes. She can see his attention is glued to JT. “I found out after everything with the apartment.” She weights on edge, unsure of how JT or Edrisa will take it. 

Tally is the first to speak, breaking the silence while JT wipes his mouth and tries to gather himself. Gil is silent, leaned back in his chair as he watches so she assumes he already knows. “That’s fantastic, Dani!” It’s not her place to express concerns but that’s a thought for another time. 

Ever since JT told her about the rich prick from the FBI, she’s been nothing enthralled by him and she can only imagine it’s been like that for Dani. Now, as JT’s opinion has shifted, as she’s opened text from him expressing his frustrated concern and worry the more she loves Malcolm Bright, too. Because if her emotionally stunted husband loves the “sickly thin, reject profiler from the FBI” then he must be a character and a half. And as she’s grown to notice, he is.

JT stands and Tally squints at him, gauging what his course of action is. JT is widely protective of Dani, the two like brother and sister. Tally can understand that. He’s also growing to be protective of Malcolm. 

Seeing JT rise to his feet, a frown twisted his lips, Malcolm takes a stumbling step back. He’d convinced himself JT would react violently. His blue eyes are glued to JT right hand, it’s gripped lightly. He looks for Gil or Dani but neither move to his defense, calling off a pissed looking JT.

But JT’s right fist doesn’t plow into his stomach. 

It wraps around his shoulder. The wind is knocked from Malcolm’s chest as he’s pulled into a hug. He’s trembling, mind still unable to fathom that JT would _hug_ him. It doesn’t make sense. Malcolm’s a bad person. He’s not capable of loving and supporting a child, can’t JT see that? He should. All this time, he thought at least JT would be able to understand that.

“You were acting strange all evening,” JT declares, pulling back to look between Dani and Malcolm. He sighs, relieved. “I thought something was _wrong_!” He moves from Malcolm pulling Dani into a hug. 

Edrisa is still silent. She’s turning the information over. After a thoughtful moment, “ I’m thinking the baby shower color theme should be yellow.” She crosses her legs, tucking them under her as she thinks. “Unless, of course, you’re planning on knowing the baby’s sex at week 16. In that case, are you guys enforcing gender stereotypes?”

Malcolm chokes. 

Everyone laughs, Dani hadn’t even thought about if she wants a girl or a boy. She hasn’t asked Malcolm either. Gendered stereotypes? The baby’s sex? It seems like yesterday she was finding out. “Uh,” she glances at Malcolm, his mouth is slightly open and eyes cast the ground. “I don’t know. I like the yellow idea.”

The night comes alive around them, their conversation waxing between the news of the impending child and memories of the past few years of their life. Dani’s nodding off in his lap. Between the fire and his chest, she’s warm and the darkness eating away the setting sun is becoming hard to fight. She’s content, happy that the family she’s acquired has accepted their news. 

Malcolm realizes he won’t be sleeping tonight. He’s exhausted but the anxiety he feels rotting his gut is going to bring vivid nightmares. Between his feelings of inadequacy and his father, he’s not sure he can manage a night full of watching Dani die or have his father’s hands force him to commit murder. Dreams or not, they rock him to his core.

“I want our baby to have your heart.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts. He knows it’s Dani who's spoken to him but they’re in the company of the others and it takes him a moment to realize they’re spaced just far enough from the others that it is a private conversation. 

Gil is asleep, feet kicked out in front of him. His beer is balanced on his stomach.

JT and Tally are whispering softly to one another across from them. Tally is seated in JT’s lap, they seem to be thoroughly engaged in their conversation.

Edrisa is also asleep, her jackets pulled over her arms like a blanket.

“And your eyes,” Dani adds.

Malcolm wants their child to be nothing like him. He wants the baby to be a small version of Dani. That way he can spare his baby the mental illnesses that plague his mind and his- “I want a girl,” he whispers. Let him spare her this one thing, just in case he can’t cure her mind. Let him spare her his last name. 

Dani’s dark eyes reflect the fire at him but she smiles. “A girl,” she’s not sure if she’s surprised or not. “Why?”

So one day she can be spared the legacy of his last name. She can be thrown into another man’s family, take his last name, and never be associated with _Martin Whitley_. Something he can’t do for Dani. 

“Statistically, boys are more likely to display behavioral issues.” He avoids looking her in the eyes. “Children with parents with mental illnesses are more likely than their peers to act out. More likely to be outcasts.” He clears his throat, “so, a girl might be safer. Especially considering, boys tend to act out with violence and be criticized by their peers while girls often withdraw.”

He hesitates for a moment, thinking of his own childhood. “Blood may be easier to clean up,” his voice cracks. “Trust me,” he whispers, “it’s easier to pull yourself away than to have the life kicked out of you.” 

Dani wraps him in her arms, crying softly. Damn those children, she thinks. Damn them all. “Oh, my love.” She strokes the back of his head. 

His voice is thick and wet, “it’s true, Dani.”

She shakes her head, squeezing him. “That won’t be our baby,” she promises. It won’t be. 

It can’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i. have. no. idea. what. to. do. from. here.
> 
> (also what Malcolm says about kids and parents is true. It's psychology)


	9. The Notebook

“Malcolm!”

He stands on the roof, eyes closed as he shuts down. He feels nothing, just the rain. Each drop is individual, the breeze gently rocks his body. His arms are broken out in goosebumps, the chilled air hurting but he soaks that in too. For a moment, he feels alive. He’s removed from _Whitley _and tucked away safe and sound.__

__“Malcolm!”_ _

__He doesn’t turn to face her, he knew she would find him up here eventually. After she cleaned up his mess. Had he told her, yet, that all this is normal? Emotions that he can’t always regulate. Seering hot anger and drowning sadness. Dissociating. Can she feel him when he slips away? His body curled into hers but his mind lost at sea._ _

__Generalized anxiety and therapy every Tuesday. Does she know that even if he can’t sleep, he has to be laying in his bed when his alarm goes off? The moments before it goes off in those mornings are tangled with overwhelming anxiety that he can’t explain. He doesn’t know why he has to be in bed. Does she know that when he broke his hand, he still did yoga because, five years ago, a nurse told him that it cured her depression? If it can fix her, why can’t it fix him?_ _

__That his degrees in Psychology didn’t fix him either. Forgiveness, religion, yoga, hiking, and a Keto diet didn’t fix him either. So he swallows a handful of pills every morning and he learns to act like others around him. Mirroring their behavior as best he can._ _

__“What are you doing?”_ _

__Face upturned to the sky, he can feel when she steps into the rain. Her body heat near his left arm. “Feeling the rain,” he replies simply, the thundering beat of his heart slowing gently. His anxiety is no longer crippling._ _

__She chuckles softly but doesn’t move from his side. She’s feeling the rain too. “Is it soothing for you?” She reaches for his hand, pressing their palms together in the hopes that they might melt together. That way she can understand the way his heart beats so quickly but the smallest smile graces his lips._ _

__He feels her rings press to the back of his fingers. The cold, thin metal. Her. “The Trazodone isn’t working anymore,” he rasps, shivering as the temperature drops with the cool rain. His fingers tremor against hers. Slowly, he eases hers between his own. The tips of his fingers interlaced with hers. “Gabrielle is going to ask me if I want to see another therapist, again.” The idea of their timeless argument exhausts him more than the idea of coming off of Zoloft or raising his dosage._ _

__“We’ll figure it out.”_ _

__He stops and looks down at her. She’s in a white t-shirt and the same black sweatpants she wore yesterday. Her hair is catching the rain perfectly, the droplets sliding down her curls. Head tilted back, eyes closed, she’s not aware that he’s watching her. She’s just taking in the rain, trying to get close to him._ _

__He grasps her hand, squeezing her hand. He catches her head as she opens her eyes, turning her head to him. One hand in hers and the other on her cheek, he kisses her hard._ _

__“Is this a Notebook kiss,” she interrupts one hand on his chest to keep him from kissing her again. “I _refuse_ to be kissed like I’m some damsel in a Nicholas Sparks book.”_ _

__He smiles and presses his forehead to hers. “You’re not a damsel,” he reminds her. “You’re a beautiful woman I’m trying to kiss and it just so happens to be raining.” He breathes a sigh, smiling at the sheer impossibility of this moment. He’s an idiot in love. “So, let me kiss you.”_ _

__She frowns, “I hate Nicholas Sparks.”_ _

__He rolls his eyes, he’s aware. Dani could sit and watch Julia Roberts movies all day. She’s a sucker for Richard Geere and all the other hunks from the 80s but she can not stand any of the Nicholas Sparks movies. He thinks it’s silly, she thinks they’re foolish. “I know,” he soothes. “Kiss me anyway?”_ _

__She rolls her eyes, “how am I supposed to say no when you ask like that?”_ _

__\----------------_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__He senses a ‘but’ about to be added to her soft admission. He doesn’t blame her after the night they’ve had. Tugged rich person to rich person as his mother showed the two of them off, he’s walking the thin line of aggravation. He can only imagine how tired and annoyed she is._ _

__“But I never want to do that again.”_ _

__The sun is long gone, leaving nothing but the cool rainy night. “I can not promise we won’t be asked to do that again,” he answers. He stops their progression down the street, kicking his shoes off and offering them to her._ _

__She takes one look at him, the street light above amplifying his sharp jaw and blue eyes. Tears fill her eyes and damn all the extra hormones of pregnancy. “Malcolm-” she tries to act like her shoes haven’t been killing her all night but he knows better. He knocks the heel of his shoe against her dress and she obliges, lifting her feet out of her shoes and into his. “No one’s ever walked in the rain in their socks for me.”_ _

__He chuckles at the absurdity of that statement. Pulling her to continue their short walk home, he grimaces at the cold soaking through the fabric of his socks. “I’ve never walked in the rain in my socks for someone before.” The wet ground is soaking the skin between his toes. “If I get athlete’s foot because of this though, it won’t be a very romantic story fro the future.”_ _

__She smacks his chest, shaking her head, “that’s nasty.”_ _

__Malcolm frowns at her, playfully squinting his eyes. “I would be getting athlete’s foot because I love you, dork.” He’s struck with momentary confusion at the face Dani makes, “what?”_ _

__She wipes her eyes, spreading mascara and eyeliner all over her face. Malcolm doesn’t notice. She shakes her head, voice breaking, “it just scares me how much I love you.” Leaning into Malcolm, she feels ridiculous in his too-big shoes. How can they be the same height but feet, not the same size?_ _

__He laughs but it’s breathless and decisively _wrong_. It makes her stomach uneasy. She’s still not sure about the relationship Malcolm has with the rain. Some days, she can see it brighten him. Sobering the dark thoughts he refuses to subject her to. The rain cools him off._ _

__He needs the sun, again. He needs warmth and life. She can see him wilting like a flower before her very eyes.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	10. Appointments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why but it was like pulling teeth for me to write this chapter

“Malcolm!”

He wakes with a strangled scream. His shoulders are pulled harshly as the restraints stop him. “D-...” he can’t breathe around the mouthguard. Unable to pull enough air into his lungs he can’t spit out the guard. “Dan-” his head spins and his eyes start to roll back into his head. 

She grabs his shoulders, crying out as Malcolm goes limp. Cradling his head on her shoulder, she eases him back to the bed. “Malcolm,” she shakes his shoulder. She’s terrified, unable to get a reaction out of him. “Malcolm!” 

His skin is clammy, cold as he trembles in her arms. She presses her hand to his face, his cheeks, and forehead damp. Low blood pressure, dizziness, and nausea could all explain what’s happening right now and all could be from any one of four medications sitting on the island not even ten feet away. 

“Okay,” she blows out a steadying breath. Feed him, water him, and love him. Just like a plant… mostly. “Malcolm,” much calmer and with a plan, she shakes him. “Come on, baby,” she gets two unfocused blue eyes to flutter open. “Hey,” she whispers, pushing his bangs back out of his eyes. “You okay?”

Her attention is soaked into him, like warmth through her fingers gently running through his hair. She’s watching for a sign to move, something that might tell her what’s wrong. His cheeks flush and puff as he exhales and without a second thought she hooks her finger around the guard and pulls it out of his mouth. 

She can see the relief wash through his features, stiff back sagging into as his focus drifts to pulling in as much air as possible. “Malcolm,” she calls softly, doing her best to remain calm and nerved. “I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” She tosses the guard to the side, it’s use is no longer needed. She wants to question him on the guard, has it ever prevented him from breathing properly before? At the same time, she knows better.

He needs a moment.

He sinks into her, attempting to draw the warmth from her skin into his. To no avail, cheek pressed to her bare thigh, and arms wrapped around her… he remains chilled. “Cold,” he whispers huskily. He closes his eyes, shivering violently to the point all he can think about is how chilled his skin is. 

She shakes her head, “you’re burning up, Malcolm.”

He groans. Biting down a flare of nausea he supplies, “sorry… don’t think I ate today.” 

She contains her own urge to sigh tiredly. No matter how tiring this dance of theirs is, she can’t recall eating all three meals today either. She certainly didn’t make a show of reminding him while she was disregarding her own hunger pangs. “It’s okay,” she needs to untangle herself from him and make toast. Hopefully, she might be able to get a few bites into him. Maybe even some water.

Looking down at him, she can’t. She doesn’t move away, doesn’t force his arms from around her waist. She caves and guides herself back down to the mattress and pulls him against her. “It’s okay,” she repeats when he hesitates to lay against her chest. “I’ve got you, Malcolm.” 

She can hear his relieved sigh, feel his body fully submit to his exhaustion, and allow her to just hold him. She runs her fingers through his hair, nails gently running over his scalp like she knows he likes. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” 

He nods and his pause to verbalize is all she needs to know that he may not be lying but he’s without some form of the truth. “I’m okay, Dani.” He stops, mouth open as he considers what he should add. “Just… It was just a nightmare.”

She nods her head. A nightmare. She feels like his nightmares are slowly finding their way into real life. The rain doesn’t soothe him anymore. Nothing short of exhaustion puts him to sleep anymore. Gabrielle has changed his dosage on his anxiety medication but Dani can see the tension in his shoulders. He’s hiding something from her. She can feel it and it’s killing her to know he’s hurting and keeping it from her.

She doesn’t need to be protected from him. 

\-----------------

“Malcolm.” He can hear the disappointment thick on Gabrielle’s tongue. She leans forward, breathing deeply to keep her blank reaction in place. He knows her too well and he doesn’t mean to hold it over her but he knows she’s mad by the tilt of her lip and curl of her fingers. “Malcolm, I can’t…” her voice falters over a sigh. He’s manipulating her.

“I want this,” he insists and he knows he’s put her in a tight space. He’s a complicated patient. He’s also her only adult patient. Her other patients are difficult in their own ways but Malcolm has always come with his own set of unique problems. “I need it.” 

What’s she to do? She can advise meeting more frequently but he’s already shot that down. He’s not a threat to himself, it seems to be the point of every other sentence he speaks. So she can’t have him hospitalized, that will only violate his trust and all their work will spiral. He’s more of a threat in a hospital. She knows his tells and she knows he’s lying when he says they need to switch his medications up because they’re not working. It’s about the baby. 

She remembers when he was sixteen: _“I won’t. Someone has to take care of my mom and Ainsley.”_ She senses a similar promise in the way he looks at her now, pleading. Except, now he’s not promising her he won’t harm himself because he has to watch out for his family. If anything, he saying he’s going to suffer for his family. His hero complex and his low self-image never seem to make any sense. 

“Hours up,” Malcolm announces like he’s the one with the leverage. Their degrees may be similar but she’s the one with the prescription pad. “Can’t stick around, or trust me I would.” A clear lie but he smiles charmingly and rises to his feet. 

Gabrielle stands alongside him, “the baby, what are you hoping for?”

He’s momentarily surprised she’d been listening intently enough to remember him slipping in the detail of the pregnancy and their appointment to find out the sex after their session. “Not sure,” he lies, lip twitching. He hates the way his statement makes her smile harden. “I just want it to be healthy, you know?”

She smiles and opens the door, leading Malcolm out. Dani is waiting in a chair, they share a smile. They’re both aware of each others’ roles in Malcolm’s life. He’d wanted to have a session with Dani involved, Gabrielle suspects that his current stunt has put a hold in that plan. Dani is a smart woman, no doubt, she would see what Malcolm is doing.

Gabrielle hopes she’s smart enough to see what Malcolm’s doing now.

\----------------------------

“What did you talk about?”

Malcolm can see Dani’s visibly nervous. Between the cold table, she’s laying on, her stomach exposed to the chilled room, she’s shivering. She’s holding his hand for dear life, eyes searching. Her anxieties at an overwhelming high after her sleepless night. 

He shakes his head, forcing fake confusion. As if he can’t remember what he talked about not even an hour ago. “Uh,” guilt wraps cold fingers around his heart. Dani trusts him. Is he betraying that trust? “The baby.” If he’s lying, purposely hurting her in a way that he knows will hurt the most, does that not speak to the volume of how stupid he is? That he’s hiding because he knows she’ll speak reason and he’d rather wallow.

A knock at the door signals the doctor’s entrance. She bounces right into the ultrasound, rattling off healthy tidbits that Malcolm can’t be bothered to pretend he’s listening to. He lied to Dani. He’s actively not telling her the truth. He is hurting her.

“This is going to be cold.”

Malcolm’s pulled from his head, Dani’s hand tightening around his own. He watches, silently holding his breath as Dani exhales shakily. A weak smile his way assuring him she’s alright. 

The doctor sets right in, going back to her bubbly informal monologue. He’s distantly aware of Dani exchanging conversation. Happy, anxious, but excited about their baby. 

“Oh!” Malcolm looks up, catching the doctor’s smile as the baby whooshes onto the screen. “Here’s baby, mom and dad!” She moves the wand around a little bit more. “15 weeks, right mom?” She asks, positioning the wand again. “I think I can see… Do you want to know the gender?”

Dani looks over at Malcolm, her hand tightening in his.

“I don’t.” His voice is deeper than he expects it to be. His chest is tight, emotions high. 

Dani looks over at him, caught off guard. “I don’t either, then.” She squeezes his hand, a happy but nervous smile on her lips. “Can you write it down in an envelope. The grandparents will kill us if we don’t tell them.”

He lets out a breathless chuckle, “and Ainsley.” He can’t imagine how it is that she just bounced back from his comment. As if it doesn't matter. No sweat. He blinks twice and the doctor’s gone, Dani’s sitting up. He looks around, swallowing thickly. 

No. He can’t take _this_ right now. 

Dani squeezes his hand. He looks up and right into her kind brown eyes. She’s got faint bags under her eyes but the deep line of happiness is where his attention is drawn. Exhausted, she’s still gorgeous. She’s got the faintest bit of mascara on a few eyelashes where she didn’t get it all off last night. 

Her cold hand comes to his cheek, her thumb brushing over his skin. He looks haggard and exhausted. Haunted. “I know you’re lying to me,” she admits but her voice lacks all heat. There’s no malice and she’s not accusing him. She’s just telling him. “It wasn’t _just_ a nightmare. You’re not okay.”

A tear falls down his cheek. It surprises him. 

It doesn’t surprise her. She brushes it away. “Talk to me,” she urges, thumb gently running over his chapped lips. “Let me help you, Malcolm. That’s how this works.” She makes a mental note to get some chapstick and to hide the Twizzlers. She can see him thinning back down. “I love you.”

He doesn’t trust his voice. 

“I don’t need you to say it back,” she whispers. “I don’t say it for myself. I say it because I feel like you don’t believe me.” He looks up into her eyes and she knows that she’s struck something there. “You’re not unloveable and you don’t need to be fixed.” 

He opens his mouth but she presses her fingers over his lips.

“Malcolm Bright,” she narrows her eyes at him. “You do not need to be fixed. I love you just the way you are and our baby will too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have realized several things  
> 1\. I don't know what gender this baby is going to be  
> 2\. Malcolm hasn't given her a ring  
> 3\. How have I not wrapped this up yet? This thing is nearly 20,000 words...


	11. Nursery

"Dani!"

She stops in her tracks, the front door still opens behind her. 

Malcolm comes around the corner just a little too quickly, stumbling before righting himself. He runs a hand over his poorly fitting button-down, smirking nervously. As if… he's been caught. "Dani, my love-" he steps towards her but she stops him with an outstretched hand. Keeping them an arms-length apart.

"What did you do?" She squints her eyes, a not uncommon reaction she has to him but meaningful in a way that allows him to put together that she knows he’s up to something. “Do not lie to me, Malcolm Bright.” 

He squints his eyes back. A fond smile lifts the corners of his lips. Psychology has explored the unspoken language of the body. Couples begin to look like one another over time. Soaking up one another’s common habits slowly forming two identical people. It’s so gradual that it takes a careful eye to see the change. He wonders if their child will squint their eyes at him and Dani. Mischievous and hard-headed too, just like them. Children are a product of their environment and he finds he’s excited to raise their chaotic child. 

“ _Malcolm_ ,” her hands are on her hips and he smiles at that too. She’s gonna be a hot mom. He’s excited to go on family vacations. To encourage Dani into a two-piece bikini when they’re forty she’s ashamed of her mom body but he still thinks she’s hot as hell. He wants to call her hot and embarrass their kid in public being so in love as old people. 

Eyes still squinting, she’s resolved he’s not going to tell her. Looking him over, piecing together his disheveled with yellow- “Why do you have yellow paint on your hands?”

Malcolm looks down at his hands, genuinely surprised. “Uhm…” mouth open he looks back up at her. He blows his cheeks out, exhaling dramatically. “Uh, I was painting.” 

Dani shakes her head, “you don’t paint.”

“Not true!” He extends his hands as proof, covered in yellow paint. He bites his lip worrying it with his teeth. “Okay, fine.” He sighs, “I was painting my office.” He nods his head trying to convince her that’s it. It’s never simple with Malcolm, so she doesn’t say anything. It gets to his head, easily. “Okay, fine. Come with me.”

He offers his hand out to her, palm up. Ever so gently, his hand trembles. She places her hand in his, a soft smile tugging her lips. “Okay.” His hands are soft and it’s something she’s never really noticed before. He over-compensates. He can’t fix any of the damage done inside. So, he lines his shower with a variety of shampoos and conditioners. He has more face masks than she does. 

She’s dated enough men to know that the majority use 2-in-1 styled shampoos that they also wash their bodies with. 

“I was painting my office,” he tells her, leading her in that direction. She can feel the wet paint on his hands. “I thought-” he opens the door allowing his actions to fill in where his voice falters. His desk is pulled into the middle of the room, the papers that had previously littered every surface are gone. The horrors he’d hung along the walls as a reminder of his penance are gone. The room doesn’t even look like his office anymore. 

“Malcolm,” she steps into the room and shakes her head. A room left vacant as frequently as possible now light and happy… She hadn’t even thought about a nursery. He's devoted his whole day to this. Malcolm's covered in yellow paint. He's got several streaks of it in his hair, patches on his dress shirt where he's brushed against the wall, and half of his ass covered in yellow. There's a boxed crib waiting to be put together on his desk. “It’s…” she’s caught up in the thoughtfulness of this gesture that she misses his nervous tremble. 

He stutters an apology, “you don’t like it.” He wraps his arms around himself, “I’m sorry. Edrisa said something about yellow and I just assumed, with your reaction the other night, that you weren’t much for gender-”

She kisses him.

He squints his eyes at her. 

“Malcolm,” she takes his hand again, squeezing his fingers. “I love it.” She looks around the room. It’s so light. It’s so happy. “It’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.” She pulls him into a hug, the mess his clothes are in pushed to the back of her mind. “You’re going to be an amazing father.”

He shakes his head, blushing. "No, I-"

She squeezes his hand, "you already are Malcolm."

\---------------

"I want a pass for Emily Prentiss.”

He shakes his head, beyond confused. “You want a _what_ for _who_?”

Dani sits up, pulling the blanket around her shoulders. After binge-watching three seasons of Criminal Minds over the course of the week, he should definitely know the characters by their names. “Emily,” she points to him. “Couples,” she explains. “You give each other passes, usually celebrities. People you’d never really meet but it’s the point.” She points again to the TV, “I want mine to be Emily Prentiss.”

Malcolm attempts to fully understand what she means. He looks back at the TV. Emily. He looks back at her. Right. “Her?” Malcolm shrugs, “okay.”

Dani rolls her eyes. “Malcolm,” she takes him by the shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Honey,” she can’t help but smile. “Who is your pass?” 

He shakes his head, “don’t know.” He thinks about it for a moment, considering the people that he knows… “I don’t need one.” He doesn’t want one. Who would he pick?

Dani sighs, “it’s not as fun if you don’t pick someone too!” 

He bites his fingernails, struggling. “Oh,” he smiles. “Freud!”

Dani sighs, rather defeated. She wipes her hand down her face, “so you want your pass to be a dead Austrian neurologist famous for overly sexualizing psychology?”

Malcolm opens his mouth, clearly disturbed with her lack of knowledge about the man he’s chosen for his pass. “Sigmund Freud is the _father_ of modern psychology, Dani.” He sits up too, a headful of knowledge dying to get out. “He was Jewish and he established the practice of psychoanalysis. He gave us- Did you know he spoke German? I learned German in high school just in case someone figured out how to bring people back to life.” He shakes his hands, a clear sign of his eagerness. 

She hangs on to every word. Soaking in his knowledge. She wonders if she went back to her childhood and told twelve-year-old Dani Powell that she would one day marry a giant nerd if she would believe herself. Yet, sitting across from her is a man so passionate about psychology that he’s taken her silly game and turned it into a mini teaching lesson. 

He takes a pause to breathe, “anyway- My German isn’t that good, my accent sucks, but I can hold a conversation.” 

Dani nods, blown away. A giant nerd. It’s kind of adorable to see him so excited about something as simple as Sigmund Freud. “Okay,” she relents, she’ll let him have this. “You can have Sigmund Freud.” 

His smiles brightens, pleased. 

“Nerd.”

He gasps.

“You are a nerd, Malcolm.”

“I know… but, still, mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been binge-watching Criminal Minds and it's taking a lot of self-control to not start writing CM fanfiction again. It's complicating my life. Dani's pass is Emily but my favorite character is Hotch bc I have unresolved daddy issues


	12. Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I write hand squeezes a lot. I don't know why, either. I am a very touch-deprived person- Nevermind, I think I might have figured it out

_JT’s screwing a bolt into place with his hand, Malcolm watching curiously. “Hand me the-” JT stops, realizing that referring to any of the tools by their given name will not help either of them. He’s pretty sure Malcolm doesn’t know any names of tools. “Hand me the blue handled-” he nods encouragingly when Malcolm picks up the right tool._

_He uses the wrench, growing frustrated as Malcolm hovers. “Hey,” he puts the tool back himself. He’d promised Dani that he would be on his best behavior (never mind she told Malcolm the very same thing). “You got any water?”_

_Malcolm lights up, having a job making him feel useful. “I can get you a glass,” he offers helpfully. He’s already on his feet, stepping out of the room._

_JT breathes a sigh of relief. Malcolm’s a good guy he can just be a bit much. He’s got two whole minutes before Malcolm’s back._

_“Thank-” JT stares at the glass being pressed into his hand. It’s water all right. In the glass, in the place of regular ice cubes there silicon ice cubes shaped like fruit in vibrant colors. He shakes the glass, moving the ice just to make sure he isn’t seeing things wrong. “What-”_

_Malcolm shrugs, “we use them for bruises.” He bites at his lips, unsure now. “They don’t melt all over you like an ice cube or frozen vegetables.”_

_JT isn’t sure why but he can’t imagine that Malcolm has ever own owned frozen vegetables. The thought makes him smirk but he accepts the cup even if he feels ridiculous when a pink plastic orange slice bumps again at his lips. “Thanks, man.”_

Dani stands in the office turned nursery, surprised. She loves Malcolm and she loves JT but the two of them don’t have the best track record when it comes to working together. Honestly, she’d been pretty worried the two of them spell disaster together. Yet, the paint on the walls is not only intact but someone has finished the higher trim. There’s a crib and a changing table sitting on opposite sides of the room, completely put together. 

“Malcolm?” She had expected to find him in the nursery. A bit of a perfectionist, she’s surprised he’s not moving the two pieces of furniture around. Sunshine’s cage is open, meaning that he’s let the little parakeet out and that he won’t be far either. “Sunshine?” she tries but she gets no reply.

She’s starting to get worried when the front throw is thrown open. Standing in the doorway in sweatpants and a grey-shirt with specks of yellow pain is Malcolm. His chest heaves, mouth open as he shakes his head. His lower lip trembles, “I can’t find her.”

She takes a step towards him, hand raised to soothe him but he takes several back. He shakes his head, denying her touch. She withdraws her hand, keeping them raised. It’s taken her a moment but she recognizes his anxiety is too high for her to comfort. Not physically, at least. “What can I do?”

He clenches his jaw, right hand trembling at his side. He shakes his head. He doesn’t know the words that will make her understand. All he knows is this feeling, tight in his stomach and loud in his head. 

Dani takes in his state, “Malcolm.” Calling his name makes his eyes snap up, right to her. “I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” 

He clenches his fist, anger overwhelming the fear. “Sunshine,” he informs her. “I-I don’t-” he has to stop, forcing himself to take a breath in through his nose and out his mouth. He’s an adult. He can handle this like an adult. “I opened her cage, I was feeding her crust off my sandwich, and…”

She nods, keeping up. She really wants to comment on the sandwich but refrains. “Where was the last place you saw Sunshine?”

He takes a shaky breath in, the next another practiced much slowly breath. He opens his hands closing them tightly. He’s self-soothing, working his way through his frantic thoughts. “The bedroom,” he says adamantly. “She was on the bed.”

“Okay,” she breathes, looking around. “Let’s look in there again, huh? You know how she likes to hide.” He seems adamant like he thinks he’s being tricked. She turns and begins walking to the bedroom, knowing she’s won over his anxiety when the front door shuts and his footsteps follow. 

She goes straight for Sunshine’s usual places, growing anxious herself when the little parakeet doesn’t leap out and wow them with a song or dance. Something moves just under her pillow and Dani lets out a relieved sigh, “Sunshine.” She lifts the pillow and sure enough one yellow parakeet looks back at her. “Hey, girl,” she coos allowing Sunshine to hop onto her finger. “Malcolm.”

He’s nowhere in sight. “Malcolm!” Sunshine in her hand, she heads back to the kitchen. “Hey,” she comes to a brisk stop. Head pressed between his knees, arms over his head, Dani can recognize an anxiety attack when she sees one. She can’t touch him. His senses are overwhelmed and any touch will only add to overstimulation.

She takes in a slow breath, allowing herself to soak in everything she knows. She places Sunshine back in her cage, this isn’t about a missing parakeet. The poor thing was only a catalyst. She can’t decide if she should put some tea on. 

“I’m going to touch your shoulder,” she whispers, crouching down slowly beside him. “I’m going to put my hand on your chest, okay? I’m gonna put your hand on mine?” She knows better than to wait for him to verbally confirm. He won’t respond, can’t. “Breath in with me,” she soothes. “1-2-3-4-” his hand rises as her chest does. “Hold. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7.” She opens her lips, “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.” 

She keeps breathing, keeps measuring it out until his chest rises just like hers. 

“I can’t do this,” he admits. He’s trembling with exhaustion, bloodshot eyes focused on the floor. “I can’t take care of a _bird_ , Dani. She’s a parakeet, that’s easier than a bird!” He closes his eyes, hands going to his hair as he self-soothes. “I’m not gonna be able to take care of a baby!”

She honestly thought she had more time. He’d been doing so well, anxiety low and medicine really working. It wasn’t behind them, it never is, but she thought they had time. She could show him, allow him to prove himself more. 

“You already are,” she argues. “As ready as any first-time parent is, Malcolm. We don’t know what we’re getting into but I need you, okay? I don’t want to raise this baby with anybody else.” She bumps her shoulder with his.

He looks up at her, meeting her sad eyes. She’s telling the truth. She can’t imagine wanting a baby with anyone other than him. They’re in this together, always. “I just…” he swallows thickly. “I’m afraid I’m gonna mess this up. I’m afraid I’m not enough.”

She takes his hand, squeezing it, and attempting a reassuring smile. “You’re enough for me.” She bites down a smile, “occasionally, maybe a little too much. We can work on that, though. Maybe no more coffee past 9 pm?”

Distracted, attention now on her coffee ban he shakes his head in disbelief. “No, coffee past-” he stares at her in horror. “Who are you, Dani? Why would you say something so mean?”

She gets up on her feet, extending him her hand. “Come on, drama queen.” She leads him to the couch, making a mental note to attempt to enforce her new rule. She pulls him to the couch giggling when he wraps himself around her. “Are you the little spoon tonight?”

Malcolm, face buried in her exposed stomach, rolled his eyes. “When aren’t I the little spoon?” He rolls to her side, keeping his weight off of her. It takes a bit of a struggle but he manages to pull the heating pad out and offer it to her. Plugging it in and turning it up before settling back down himself. By then, she’s already got Criminal Minds playing in the background. 

“I changed a prescription.” She trusts him and every day he lives without telling her about it, he’s lying. He’s betraying that trust. “The dosage is higher and it’s supposed to work better but…” he can feel her looking down at him. “It wasn’t because I needed it but because I was trying to fix myself.” He looks up at her, surprised to see tears in her eyes. “It’s not working and it’s making me… it’s making me anxious and unsettled.”

She nods, understanding.

“I think…” he bites his lip. “I think I want to try taking sleeping pills again.”

She shakes her head, “if it’s for the night terrors I don’t want you to. If it’s for insomnia, I understand, but the baby is going to be up and down all hours of the night so that might be as productive as you think.” She can see him hesitate with his answer. “Don’t lie.”

He looks away, “it was for the night terrors. I just don’t want to hurt you or the baby while I’m sleeping.”

Dani looks back over to the tv, watching it for a moment. She’s considering his words, his fear. “Okay,” she sighs, “but can you think about it? Really, think about it?”

He nods and turns his head to look back at the tv, he feels relieved. Tension taken straight off his shoulder. Her fingers slip into his hair and he relaxes against her. He falls asleep tucked against her, exhausted from his attack and anxiety. 

She can feel him tense when the guns on the show go off. At first, she thinks she’s just imagined it but he does it again. This time she runs her hand down his back, shushing him gently. Turning the volume down, she allows her attention to shift back to the television. He's worrying over nothing. He's already a natural and she can't wait to place their baby in his arms and let him realize that for himself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to google "bag of raisins, peanuts, and m&ms" because I forgot what trial mix was

“You okay, kid?”

_Dani’s scream pierces their apartment, pulling him from his dead slumber. The sound chills him to his core. He throws the covers off his body in a hurry, his feet hit the grown. Finding Dani on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down her face. He’ll never get the sight out of his head either. He’ll never get the sound of her screams out either._

“Kid?” Malcolm flinches as Gil’s hand is placed on his shoulder. He physically moves away from Gil, putting space between the two of them. His feet feel wrong, his head spinning. “Bright?”

Malcolm shakes it off. Cupping his palms to his ears does nothing to relieve the sound of Dani’s cry. He shuts his eyes tightly, back hitting a wall. He slides down it, tucking his knees to his chest. “She’s okay. She’s okay. She’s okay.” He rocks himself. He _saw_ Dani this morning. He _kissed_ her forehead and promised to bring home blueberry muffins. 

She’d been craving them.

“JT!” Gil crouches down beside Malcolm, hand hovering. “Get Dani over here.”

“No!” The blood is still caked under his nails. Her sobs in his head. “You can’t.” This morning, he’d forgotten all of the night events for a moment. He just saw the blood on his hands. He hasn’t managed to shake that fear yet. He draws in a shaky breath, lower lip trembling. “She’s-She’s on bed rest.”

He closes his eyes again, pressing his palms into eyes. 

_“It may just be some vaginal bleeding but we want to be sure.”_

_Under the hospital light, Malcolm wondered the doctor even bothered pulling out a prescription pad. A false promise? Is he planning on writing out a prescription for bed rest?_

_“Malcolm,” Dani whispers, squeezing his hand. Here she is soothing him when he should be the one soothing her. “Hey,” she squeezes his hand again. “What’s going in your head?”_

_He’s terrified. This is his fault. Dani is perfectly healthy. She eats good, exercises without too much strain, and takes all kinds of vitamins. The stress in her life is him. His ridiculous schedule and weird mood swings. She would be better off-_

_“Stop,” she looks at him with tear-stained eyes. Bloodshot from crying and the lack of sleep they’ve gotten in the last few hours. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head but stop.” She smiles at him, tired and a little forced but it’s a smile. “It’s okay. I’m okay. The _baby_ is okay.”_

Gil places a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder, confused. “Bedrest? Kid, we just saw her yesterday.” Which is completely true. Dani stayed in the office a little late. Malcolm was practically falling asleep at her desk. She was doing paperwork but he was trying not to drool each time he nodded off. 

They were fine.

Malcolm clenches his fist, failing to calm himself. “She was bleeding,” he informs Gil. “I had to take her to the hospital.”

Gil had practically pushed the two of them out the door. Malcolm was dead on his feet and Dani was trying to wrap up her work so neither would have to come in the next day. She’d already cleared the day with him. This morning, he was completely taken by surprise when Malcolm came in. 

The kid looked like something the dog dragged in. Dead on his feet, Malcolm shuffled to his desk. He just sat there, pen in hand, staring at nothing. JT noticed and was at Gil’s door in a flash. Attempting to conjure up an explanation.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” 

Malcolm nods, eyes still closed and guard still up. “Two hours.” Before- before the pregnancy and Dani- two hours would be _enough_ to go on. Now, he sleeps in bed with Dani every night and almost always gets six hours of sleep. Sometimes even eight and ten. 

Enough, of course, being suggestive.

“Alright,” Gil nods and he’s already got a plan forming a plan in his head. “JT, how about you go gather up Malcolm’s coat, huh? Meet me at the LeMans?” He sends JT off with a nod and turns his attention back to Malcolm. “Have you eaten today?”

Malcolm shakes his head. He ate breakfast yesterday but forgot lunch and was too exhausted to eat dinner. His blood sugar is tanked, depleted and he’s pretty sure when he stands up he’s going to be very light-headed. 

Gil nods, that’s what he was expecting. “Alright,” he eases himself back onto his feet. Knees objecting and reminding him painfully that he’s not as young as he once was. He goes back to his desk, leaning down to his bottom drawer and pulling out a bag of trail mix. “Let’s get you to the car, huh? Get you home?”

Malcolm nods. Gil’s plan sounds a lot better than his original of just sitting here all day. 

“Alright,” Gil sighs. “Home it is.”  
_____________

Dani is sleeping when Gil comes through the door. She’s exhausted, beyond it at this point. She’s still terrified from last night. There’s been knives held at her neck, guns pointing at her head and yet last night was as scared as she’s ever been. She could see it in Malcolm’s eyes. No matter how stoic, unfazed he pretended to be she could see it.

This morning when the alarm clock went off, she didn’t think twice about turning it off and going back to bed. She also didn’t think anything of it when Malcolm climbed out of the bed. 

“Dani, you shouldn’t-”

Dani waves Gil off. She keeps a hand pressed under her stomach, slowly making her way to the kitchen to start some tea. “We had a-” Dani looks over at Malcolm. He’s bent over himself, sitting off to the side on the couch. “We had a bad night,” Dani explains.

Gil nods, “I know. Bright told me.”

Dani clenches her teeth. It’s her fault. She should have taken off by now. Stopped going to work. If she can’t protect her baby when it’s inside of her, how’s she going to protect one outside?

Gil motions for her to go sit down and she listens. He puts the pot on and joins the two of them in the living room. He sits down on the coffee table, right in front of them. “I can’t imagine what’s going on in your heads right now.” He has a good idea though. He knows them too well. “Guilt and anxiety, though, I imagine are high.” 

He knows what it’s like to nearly lose a child. 

“You’re going to be great parents,” he takes a moment to reassure them both: squeezing Dani’s knee, winking at Malcolm. “I’m also…” he clenches his teeth. “You’re both off. You’re both done until this baby comes.”

Malcolm looks up, suddenly very attentive for someone who looks dead on his feet with two black eyes under his bright blue eyes. “You can’t-” Malcolm feels his panic bubbling back up. He pulls a long breath in through his nose forcing himself to calm back down. “You can’t Gil, _please_.”

Gil has to look away. “No,” he sticks to his decision. “The baby is coming,” he looks back to them. “Rather we are ready or not, the baby is coming.” He sighs, starting to think this is really a not ready scenario. “I can’t have you two running the streets putting my grandchild at risk.” He stands up, Gil has to get out of there. He can’t stand to see both of them giving him those sad puppy dog eyes. 

He takes his coat off the hook, “get some sleep.”

Malcolm is dumbstruck. He can’t handle this. He needs to work. Running his hands over his face, Malcolm forces himself to keep it together. He’s steadying his breathing, counting fingers when Dani places her hand on Malcolm’s shoulder.

“You know,” Dani sucks in a sob, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. 

Malcolm looks up, shocked. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. “Dani-”

She shakes her head, pushing her face to his neck. “I don’t think we can do this, Mal.” She grips his jacket tight in her fist, crying into his shoulder. “We don’t- I can’t-” 

Malcolm shakes his head, rubbing her back. “No,” he soothes. “No,” and he remembers what she always tells him. “We’re cut out for this. We can do it.” He clenches his jaw, unable to keep the tears from his own eyes. “We can do it.”


	14. Showers & Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain has recently made the decision it doesn't know how to write sentences until around 2 o'clock in the morning

Dani lasts all of two weeks on bed rest before the solitude starts to drive her up the wall. Malcolm brings her files home, tries to occupy her mind. Gil emails her cold cases and JT sends her updates on all the messes Malcolm gets himself into when she’s not there to be his judgment. By the end of the week, she’s not sleeping through the night, and while she fears what negative repercussions that mild hold for her baby- she can’t stand it. She feels more stressed in bed than she did undercover.

“You okay?”

Despite Gil’s firm decision to bench them both, Malcolm got called back out after a week. He wouldn’t give any details over the phone and every night Malcolm comes home he’s haunted, shaky. She doesn’t push to be filled in, isn’t sure whatever’s going on can handle its way out of Malcolm. He’s worrying her.

Malcolm comes home late. The bedside clock flashes 1:27 a.m. in red angry letters. His eyes are puffy, agitated and she can see from the bed that he’s upset. He hangs his head when he sets his eyes on her. The silence between them stretches as he kicks his shoes off, doing his best to stifle his crying. Coat on the hook, shoes in the corner he makes his way to the bed.

“Babe,” she sets up and meets him halfway. He allows her to draw him to her. Wrapping himself around her. “Okay,” she amends. “Okay,” she wraps her arms around him and rubs her hand down his back. She rocks their bodies gently.

He sobs into her shoulder, hands holding onto her like he’s afraid if he lets go she’ll leave. He pulls from her hold, to gently touch her cheek. His own rosy, flushed cheeks looking back at her. “The case was awful,” a tear slides down his face. “She-She died,” his breathing picks back up like he’s going to lose it again. He looks away from her for a moment, gathering himself. “It was a baby,” he looks down between them. His hand hovers just over her, as if he’s afraid to touch her protruding stomach and find it all was an illusion. “There was-There was nothing we could do for her.” 

His voice breaks, his breathing shuttering, “there was nothing _I_ could do.”

Dani is lost. She hurts seeing him like this when and it makes it that much more difficult knowing she can’t do anything. “I’m so sorry,” she brushes his hair back with her fingers. In her head, she’s running through all the things she can think of that comfort him. He likes music but something tells her Broadway show tunes are not going to fix this. Sex is always a go-to but it’s practically cheating and she’d feel… dirty implementing it. 

He’s not going to be able to wind down without something. Chess and Criminal Minds aren’t going to put him to bed and sleep is what he needs. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” she offers, pressing a kiss to his cheek. She waits for him to make the first move because she doesn’t want to push him from her embrace if he’s not ready. He blinks sluggishly at her suggestion before nodding. He just needs someone to do all the heavy lifting in his brain for a moment.

She leads him to the bathroom, their fingers intertwined as she sets a slow pace. It looks like he’s being held together by her hand and she fears what might happen if he can’t handle this. Because she can’t do this alone.

“I’ve got it.” Her fingers are steadier than his, gently opening his shirt. She eases it over his shoulder. John Watkins’ scar draws tears to her eyes and she presses her hand over it. The warmth of his skin under her palm steadies her. He leans forward into her touch, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she gasps around tears. 

He shakes his head, heavy with exhaustion. “Don’t be.” He wraps his arm around her waist, “it happened a lifetime ago, Dani. It doesn’t matter.”

But she wasn’t there. No one was.

She pulls herself together, wiping at the back of her nose. “Still,” she won’t forgive herself for that past mistake. He could have died and she wouldn’t have- Without him, she’s completely alone. “I should- Someone should have been there. You shouldn’t have gone through that alone.” 

She turns to the shower, giving him the space necessary to take his pants off. Turning it on, she lets it warm for a moment. In only an oversized t-shirt, it’s not hard to strip herself down. The water warms but she can’t stand to face him. She’s still thinking about John Watkins. That bastard almost took Malcolm from her and once again they let Malcolm down. They raided the wrong house. They wasted time.

“Do you remember what you told me?” He steps in behind her, shutting the glass door. “What you asked me,” he corrects. His left hand comes to her hip, allowing himself to squeeze between her and the wall. It places him right in front of her. 

This time, his nakedness is staring at her in a different way. The scar is still pale and painful against his olive skin but she’s also looking at well-defined features. The fingers still holding her hipbones. The muscles in his thighs, shifting until his skin as he moves. His arms-

“You asked me to trust you,” he reminds her. Her wet curls are falling in her face and brushes one back. It makes her smile and he can’t help but smile right back at her. “I didn’t think I would be able to do any of this,” he tells, blushing at the admission. “You’re the only person in the whole world that has ever loved me so much that it makes me want to be a better person.” He shakes his head, “you’re also the only person who I would walk in rain in my socks for.”

She rolls her eyes at the memory. His laughter playing in the back of her mind.

“What I mean-,” he sighs “-is that I do trust you.”

She bites back her tears, kissing him. “Stupid romantic,” she manages around her tears. “Stupid hormones.” 

Malcolm frowns, chest hitching as he looks down between them. There's a small trail of blood, nearly watered down completely by the water but it's still there. Fear spikes painfully in his chest when Dani's face pinches tight in discomfort. "Dani?"

She leans over, tears squeezing out fo the corner of her eyes. "Malcolm," she gasps, "something's wrong."


	15. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote the first chapter of Carbon I can honestly say I never thought it would be ending with 15 chapters

Thirty some years on this planet and he’d thought he could take just about everything thrown at him. A serial killer for a father meant bullies in the school yard. He learned endurance and quick thinking. Smart mouth and pain tolerance came a close second, the only way to compartmentalize torment. 

But nothing.

Not years of psychotherapy. A master’s degree in psychology. Intense training with the FBI. A certificate in behavioral analysis. Not even years worth of school yard bullies. 

Nothing prepared him for the squirming, living thing being placed in his arms. 

“It’s a boy.”

That’s only about the forth time he’s been told. Each time Malcolm thinks about legacy. His father had given him a cursed last name and memories so repressed that he was the only person that believed in them. 

In _him_.

And that’s not his mother’s fault. She worries for him. The same way that he knows Dani will worry for their son. This baby.   
This baby whose legacy will go beyond Malcom’s shitty last name. He will be _Bright_ and The Surgeon will never know. That is Malcolm’s gift, the one thing he could never do for himself. 

The Surgeon and his legacy will die with Malcolm Whitly. Never having touched another soul.

Between breaths, Malcolm becomes aware of the silent room filled with people. _Their_ people.

Gil steps up first, placing his hand between the space of Malcolm’s shoulder blades. “He looks just like his daddy,” he observes, smiling at Dani and Malcolm. He presses a kiss to both of their heads but Malcolm’s only partially aware of it. 

“Poor thing,” Ainsley coos. She invades his personal space, shaking her head realizing Gil is right. “We can only hope he’ll grow out of it.” She looks over at her big brother and frowns as she realizes her taunt has flown past him. From the haunted look in his eyes, they’re all flying past him. 

Jessica reaches out and smacks Ainsely, squinting her eyes in a silent threat that she had better behave. She looks at the sight before her. Malcolm’s arms wrapped protectively around Dani and his newborn son. Perhaps, mother’s instinct or hope but she knew without a shred of doubt that everything would be okay. “You did good, darling,” she prides Dani.

Dani nods, half there. Her anxiety has skyrocketed and between everything that’s happened she’s exhausted. But they’ve got a baby… Finally, they have a baby to put in the yellow nursery Malcolm painted himself. A baby to stick around for.

A baby they haven’t named yet.

“James…” Malcolm offers but it doesn’t feel right on his tongue and he’s glad Dani shoots it down. “We had seven months,” Malcolm chuckles darkly, body stiff. “I don’t know how we never really thought about it.”

It’s because they spent too much time with their heads up their asses. Thinking that babies know to wait for when mom and dad are ready. 

“Miles?”

For her dad. Another constant reminder in their lives of father’s and injustice.

“Miles it is.”

Malcolm strokes one of his son’s chubby little cheeks. Miles Bright… He’ll have to get used to it- everything already has changed so much. Parenthood is a slap to the face. It can be comparable to nothing else. Doors, nurses, hands- everything is a threat to very thing Malcolm loves like he’s never loved another thing…  
If his love for Dani was terrifying, Miles is so much worse.

His best friend- his _life_ \- had nearly died bringing this baby into the world. Her blood is still on his hand, dried under his nails. The baby- Miles, had almost died too. With a blink of an eye he would have gone from a father and a fiance to completely, entirely alone. 

But Dani made it to the hospital. Miles, while so incredibly small in Malcolm’s arms, is fine. The world is just going to keep on spinning.

**Four Years Later**

She dances in the rain.

He watches from under the lip of the roof, toes freezing as the water soaks into his bones. Withdrawn, secluded to her rays of sunshine. Warmth and comfort.

She’s the jacket on your back that has soaked in years of unadulterated love that warms you to the very core of everything that you. She’s that feeling at three o’clock in the morning when you realize that right now there is someone out there that will you find. You will love and they will know you like no one has ever known you before.

“Daddy?”

He turns, pulled from her happy warmth. At his side, his son stands watching Dani with the same bewilderment that Malcolm feels. “Hey, baby,” he greets softly. “You okay?” It’s been four years but Malcolm still finds himself in shock at the little boy they created together.

His own blue eyes crinkle with a mix of curiosity and joy as they look back up at him. It’s late, twelve o’clock at night, and if this were any other night Malcolm would shoo the boy back to bed but he feels the situation is extraordinary. Judging from the small smirk on his son’s face, Malcolm knows that feeling is mutual.

“Mommy’s smiling,” he says matter-of-factly.

Malcolm turns back to the roof, chuckling. “She is.” He looks down at his son, squatting down to his height. “What do you say we join her?”

“We can play in the rain?”

His son’s shocked but pleased inflection makes Malcolm’s chest burst. Their son may be his mirror’s reflection but he’s always had Dani’s bright smile and laugh. Naturally curious and so ready to just take on the world… he terrifies Malcolm. He’s learning and Malcolm is too. Turns out this parenting thing isn’t as black and white as he thought it was.

“We can,” Malcolm answers, extending his hand. “You want to?”

Miles giggles, “yeah!” He runs out onto the roof, colliding into Dani’s knees with a joy-filled shout.

Dani scoops her son up in her arms, twirling him. “Hey baby,” she covers his cheeks in kisses. “What are you doing up?”

Miles wiggles in her arms, grinning ear-to-ear. “I wanna play in the rain too!”

He watches them for a moment.

“We’ll give him what we didn’t have,” Dani had whispered the day he was born. Her composer held together by Malcolm’s arms around her shoulders. He knew she meant a number of things but he felt a pang remembering that in this equation he was the father they were promising their son.

He is not Martin Whitley.

“We’ll do this right.”

Malcolm raises his head and takes a steadying breath, smiling at his little family.

Miles is their miracle baby. Their _only_ baby. Last year they wanted to try again, do it _right_ this time but practice didn’t make perfect. Dani’s fertility, affected by a strange surge of hormones, is skewed. With a man with a strong sperm count, they might be able to pull it off. A lifetime of intense medications to numb out Malcolm’s mind has taken his chance to be that man. 

So, for now, Miles is it. 

One day they’ll consider adoption or foster parenting but for right now it’s just them. The Three Musketeers.

“Daddy!” Miles calls out to him, waving him closer. “Come on!”

Malcolm steps out into the rain. The cold seeps into his skin and he takes the feeling in stride. Alive.

At sixteen he’d found the courage to think his life wasn’t worth living. If he could take that boy by the shoulders, he would show himself the life he’s made. Because all he’s ever needed is right in front of him.

And if the next page comes with _The End_ written on it he would know it’s a happy ending.


End file.
